After Birth

Throughout pregnancy, and even before it, it seems like every woman wants to share her stories about pregnancy, labor, and delivery. Everyone has their gruesome tales and their unasked for advice. Seriously, I've met people who go on for hours about whatever horror took place during their delivery, as if that was supposed to help me not be terrified for mine. But no one told me about what happened after!

There are even tons of websites devoted to pregnancy, most focusing on the baby, but some focusing primarily on the mother. And none of the websites that I was reading mentioned even momentarily what to expect for after labor. American Pregnancy Association, the website that I frequented most often because of its no-nonsense scientific approach to discussing pregnancy (though I wasn't so appreciative of their very gender-stereotypical advice for mom's partner), DID include a section on After Pregnancy, but this section focused only on the baby, with a small bit focusing on postpartum depression. Yes, PPD is very serious, and needs a lot of attention, but it's a hot topic. You can find information about it anywhere (hell, there's usually even an article about it on CNN's health section's top 5 articles).

What I didn't hear anything about was aftercare for any tears, about the bleeding, clotting, etc., about the soreness that stays with you for weeks, about the utter exhaustion that it never feels like you get a chance to recover from (after all, I'm this baby's only source of food), about the pelvic pain, about feeling like your organs are sloshing around in you, etc.

Keep in mind that I only called my midwives once during pregnancy, and that was to get their permission to travel to Michigan during my final trimester for a funeral. Otherwise, the midwives never heard from me except at scheduled visits. Since giving birth I have thought of calling them every day to ask if _____ was normal. It's only my usual procrastination that keeps me from calling. I'll wait and wait, trying to see if it will get better, until finally their office is closed and I can't talk myself into believing my issue is important enough to bother the on-call midwife.

It has been 11 days since River was born, and I'm still bleeding. Some of it is still bright red, some of it is rust colored. Yesterday I got lightheaded and blacked out in the shower, today I couldn't stand long enough to accompany J on a short grocery trip. My pelvis and tail bone still hurt, and so do my legs, arms, neck, head, etc. My abdominal muscles hardly work. There's other pain too, but I don't want to gross out the family members and in-laws that read this. Yes, I expected some of this, but the intensity and duration are already more that I was told to expect. Even in the hospital they didn't really prepare me for this.

The only mention of postpartum bleeding that I came across in my normal pregnancy and baby reading (meaning not without extra research and searching) came in my most recent American Baby Magazine (a free magazine that I magically started getting after becoming pregnant) that I actually received after leaving the hospital. Still, the article only mentions the bleeding, and manages to skip over the pain, the tears, the readjusting that your entire body is going through, etc.

Basically, I'm saying that there needs to be more attention paid to, and more information out there about, what happens to a woman after pregnancy. I hope that sharing a bit about what is happening to me helps some other women who read my blog.

Other than that, I have a sleeping baby on my chest, and it feels so good ^-^

Quick Update

For those of you who are watching my blog impatiently, waiting for me to pop... I'm still here, and still preggo :-(

Honestly, I hate pregnancy. I'm never going to be one of those women who love it, who reflect happily on the glow or having a baby in me. No, if I ever decide to have another kid, I think I'll adopt.

So here I am, still huge, still having painful contractions that aren't actual labor, still unable to walk or move around much thanks to my painful pelvis, still going to the bathroom ever half-hour because the baby's already dropped in my pelvis.

I know it's just a matter of time, and I'm not even at my due date yet, but I'm getting impatient. I'd rather not have so many of the uncomfortable pre-labor indicators if I'm not actually in labor!

So... today we went on a huge grocery shopping trip, tomorrow we have our Bradley class after J gets off work, friday we have nothing, saturday is our Baby Boot Camp class, and sunday is another nothing day. As much as I love Colleen and her classes, I'm ok with missing any of this if it means that I get to have the baby!

My body is a tease

This is getting frustrated. My body is teasing me at this point.

Yesterday I woke up super early (5:30 AM, which is UNHEARD of for me, I'm a 10-hour a night kind of girl) and couldn't stop moving! I helped my mom clean, started a quilt, went out to a late lunch, and wandered around a mall for a few hours. I tried hard to stay calm and preserve the energy, sure that I would be going into labor at any minute. Instead, I ended up exhausted at the end of the day and with nothing more than the usual Braxton Hicks to show for it.

This morning I woke up a few times really early to some PAINFUL contractions! Again, I was sure that this was it, but I forced myself back to sleep so that I could maybe sleep through prelabor and some of the first stage. I laid in bed, squeezing J and practicing relaxing through the pain, and even managed to go back to sleep between the contractions. I made the mistake of assuming that I was still having contractions while I slept, but that some miracle was happening that let me sleep through the pain. Instead, after waking up, I decided to practice timing them and to see where I was at.... well, the contraction lasted 3.5 minutes, and another didn't come for an hour. So much for that. Now that I've gotten up and ate some graham crackers and soy protein stuff (I had a little upset stomach and didn't want to push it with any dairy) the contractions have pretty much stalled.

I'm getting so anxious to get this bugger out of me! Raspberry leaf tea seems to intensify the BH's to a point, so I'll keep downing that with copious amounts of honey... but other than the tea, I don't think there are any other home-remedies that I'm willing to try. So here's to another day of pregnancy >.<

Update and such

Well, yesterday's drama about Better Homes and Gardens was interesting! If you didn't see the two posts, check them out!

BHaG is Anti-Breastfeeding
and:
BHaG Article Update

 It felt awesome just to know that bloggers and other internet-present-people can really make change just by speaking up. The fact that I got a public apology in the comments on the second article really made my day!

Yesterday
Otherwise, yesterday was one of the more busy days that I've had lately, which isn't really saying a lot since I never seem to do anything anymore. We had our midwife appointment in the morning where we met with another of the midwives who might be called in if I go into labor when our main midwife is out of town. Again, she seemed really nice, but we still definitely prefer Cynthia!

After that, we went to Flat Top Grill to get a good meal in me since I've been too tired and achey to do any real cooking at home. I'd never been to a Flat Top, and it was delicious! I can't wait to eat the leftovers!

We decided to skip grocery shopping, even though it was pretty high on our to-do list, and even managed to space out on doing laundry. Instead, we had our group of gamer friends come over for some Warhammer. I don't really play since I'm so distracted, but J and his friends had a great time, and I got some time playing World of Warcraft ^.^

The whole day was peppered with some nice, strong, more-uncomfortable-than-painful Braxton Hicks contractions (though by definition BH's don't accomplish anything, and the pre-labor contractions I've been feeling are very likely thinning and effacing my cervix) as well as some slight cervical spasms. Still, these things are nothing new, just slowely getting more and more intense.

Today
This morning I woke up around 5:30 AM after my normal (at least lately) 2-hr sleep schedule between peeings. I think I got a total of 6 hours of sleep. Maybe. Still, woke up to pee and started feeling very anxious, like I had a ton of things that I had to do right then. Still, I made myself lay in bed until J had to get up to go to work (another two hours) and got up with him.

Unfortunately, no matter how much there is for me to do, my pelvis hurts so much that I can barely move. Instead of cleaning, doing dishes and laundry, picking up around the house, organizing everything, or any of the other hundred things I can think of to do, I've been cutting out little 4x4in squares of fabric to use for my first attempt at quilting. I know I probably won't have time to finish the project, nor do I really have the drive, but I needed to do something.

Luckily, with all the feeling like I need to get things done, my mom is on her way over here to help me clean a little. I feel really weird about her cleaning my house, but it needs to get done. I know J doesn't really like the idea either, but he's so exhausted from work that I hate to ever ask him to do it when I can't.

So... Yeah. Hope everyone else in the blogosphere is having a good day ^-^ 

My battle with antepartum depression.

I've been really horrible about updating here. I get a good post in about once a week, and otherwise I can't motivate myself to make coherent posts (or do much of anything else). About once a day I'll open up the new post page and just sit there, with nothing to say. I've been like this about a lot of stuff actually.

I've been having a hard time with depression during pregnancy (or antepartum depression). Basically, the hormonal changes in my body are bringing on a reemergence of the horrible depressive episodes I had in high school. I've had no motivation to do much more than sleep and eat. Since I don't have motivation to actually get up and do anything, that means that I'm eating processed junk more than anything, since it's the easiest to just grab without having to cook. It means that I only made 4 felties in the past two weeks, and only one crocheted boob. It means the house is a mess. It means that J comes home from work, asks what I did that day, and I say nothing because I really did nothing. It means that the slightest thing makes me cry.

I know that these feelings are hormonally based. Unlike during my depressive episodes in high school, there is nothing triggering these, there are no excuses for my mood. I just feel down. I know that J is getting frustrated with it. He asks me what is wrong all the time. I feel horrible because I know that he's just looking for some way to make me feel better, I know that he's frustrated. He reminds me all the time that the pregnancy is almost over, that soon I'll have my baby in my arms and she won't be playing with my hormonal buttons all the time.

I'm trying to take the time to enjoy little happy moments right now.  I've been trying to get myself to whip out the camera and smile. I've rearranged all of the baby's things and played with her toys to try to bring myself out of this. I've talked to my midwife and my hubby, and short of therapy (which I don't have money for and don't think will help since it's hormonally based) or medication (which has never worked well for me in the past) there's nothing that can really be done.

I also worry about postpartum depression. I know that people who have depression issues earlier in life, especially during pregnancy, are much more likely to have postpartum depression. I have this vision of me, happy, with a newborn, enjoying all the little moments in life, but a part of me knows that this is not very likely. I'm more likely to be sitting at home doing nothing every day, much like I am now, except with a crying, pooping, needy baby.

There's a lot of attention given to postpartum depression, especially in the media. It's great that there is so much information about it floating around, but there is almost no time given to antepartum depression. I hope that by posting, at least someone else out there might not feel so alone when dealing with it.

Today's Midwife Appointment

Turns out that I'm already 35 1/2 weeks!! O.O on the 17th I meet with Cynthia (my awesome-tastic midwife) to talk about what will happen the day of labor and delivery. I can't wait to get the baby out of my abdomen and into my arms, but I still worry about having a natural birth and whether or not I'm strong enough (not that I have much of a choice!).

I got to meet another of the midwives at the practice I've been going to. She was awesome and very nice, but we still love Cynthia bestest! The good thing is, since there is a amll period around my due date where Cynthia won't be able to attend our birth, we do like everyone at the assocation.

We also got a chance to ask a few more questions that came up when we met with the OB. The midwives do not induce labor until 42 weeks at the earliest, unless there are other reasons to believe that the baby is in distress (too little amniotic fluid, slowed heart rate, etc.), so that's really refreshing. They also have such a low episiotomy rate that they can't really make it into a percent (the midwife I talked to today has attended thousands of births and only done 4 episiotomies). Other than that I just did my Group B Strep test, listened to the heartbeat, found out that I haven't gained any weight in the past two weeks, and left. The best visits are the uneventful ones :-)

I have my Bradley method childbirth class tonight, and am starting to have some issues with the workbook material.. mostly that they cite rediculously outdated studies and seem to talk about Dr. Bradley like he's some sort of childbirth prophet. That said, I like that they engage the partner and encourage natural childbirth. I love that the teacher/doula that I take classes from gives us updated materials and encourages us all to think about what is best for us personally. (Here is the doula's blog: Thoughts from a Doula and website: Rights of Passage)

I'm also working on another potentially paid crafting project! I swear I'm going to start my etsy page one of these days, I'm just getting all the real-world contracts that I can first. Right now it's crocheting BOOBS for my teacher/doula and some of her acquaintances to use as lactation awareness aids. I'll also be making some of my feltimals (simple felt stuffed animals) for her prize bin. Unfortunately the first boob that I attempted came out kind of wonky, and not in a way that could be passed off as "every boob is different" wonky :-/ I'll be borrowing one of her current lactation-aid boobs tonight to use as a pattern.

We're also considering whether or not we should hire a doula for our labor and delivery. Honestly, we love our midwife to death and would probably be more comfortable with less people around. J and I have always found immense comfort and relaxation in just being together alone and able to concentrate on eachother. We also really don't know that we can afford to throw another expense in at the moment. Colleen (the teacher/doula) has been amazing and offered to do some bartering, and I know intellectually that we should have another person there who is a professional and can help us advocate for the birth that we want, but I really don't think there are going to be any issues with Cynthia as our midwife. As great as advice on this subject would be, I really think J and I are going to have to make this decision on our own. 

Yesterday's Appointment and my views on OB's

Yesterday I had a great and horrible appointment. I met with the obstetrician who would step in for the midwife if any complications arise or if I need a c-section. Just acknowledging the possibility that something would go wrong was tough, the idea of being cut open in order to get the baby out of me is even harder.

I'm a huge advocate against the high c-section rate in the U.S. I'm also against most routine interventions used in childbirth as most of them have been found to be completely unnecessary and usually more harmful than good. I just finished reading The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer. The book is great, and extremely informative, but it made me extra-nervous about meeting with the OB. The book also makes me even more pissed about Illinois' laws about midwifery and home birth. Here are some of the main points from the book:

• Cesarean sections increase maternal mortality rates dramatically.
• Labor inductions create further difficulties in labor, increase fetal mortality, and often lead to cesareans. Even non-drug inductions (such as manually breaking the waters).
• Pumping a woman full of IV fluids can lead to anemia in both mother and child because her body is unable to regulate the amount of liquids in the blood. It also restricts movement during labor.
• Midwife attended home births have the lowest rates of maternal and fetal mortality and mothers tend to feel better about them afterwords. 
• Obstetricians are trained to distrust the female body's ability to give birth. They're also a trained surgical field, why go to a surgeon for a common bodily function?
• Women and babies perform better when the mother is allowed to eat and drink during labor. There is no danger of aspiration, and even if there was, it's better to choke on food than super-acidic stomach bile that can burn your lungs.
• Continuous Electronic Fetal Monitoring leads to over-use of cesarean sections, increased maternal stress levels, and distraction from the mother. 
• Failure to progress is most often a Failure to Wait.
• Epidurals and narcotics lead to slowed labor, increase in cesarean, lower apgar scores in newborns, and a harder time nursing.
• Episiotomies cause More perineal tearing, they don't prevent them.
• There is absolutely no scientific reason that VBAC's should not be allowed. 
• The entirety of the book makes allowances for issues during child birth that make these procedures necessary, but say that these interventions are being used far too often in routine deliveries

The good part of the appointment was some of the OB's answers to my questions. Being paranoid like I am, I came in with a huge list of questions to ask him about what would happen if he should step in at some point. His first answer was the best: I asked at what point he would step in to deliver the baby. His answer: "I don't step in until you want me to". His other answers were usually centered around educating me about whatever procedure he might want to do and getting my permission. Plus the midwife gets to remain through everything, even if the OB steps in.

The only answer that I really disagreed with was that he said that he would induce labor between 40 and 41 weeks. Keep in mind that 40 weeks is a completely arbitrary number and that first-time mothers average 8 days longer. This means that even if he induced at 41 weeks, he'd still be inducing one day before the AVERAGE length of pregnancy. If I do go over, and with all the debate about my due dates it's very possible, I will be refusing induction until at least 43 weeks unless there is some other reason to worry (i.e. slowed fetal heart-rate, etc).

The other observation I had about the appointment was just the general environment differences between the OB office and the midwife office. At the midwives there are toys and couches in the waiting room and the entire place is colorful and happy feeling, the OB's waiting room was cold with minimal decorations, very few magazines, and a TV with some horrible daytime programming in the background. The nurses and receptionist at the midwives are always really nice and ask us how things are going while the OB's couldn't seem to care less. Where the midwives and their nurses talk to us like we are actually intelligent people and tell us what my BP and the baby's heart rate is, while the people at the OB's office didn't even tell me if my blood pressure was normal or low and seemed to assume that I thought listening to the heartbeat on the doppler was just a novelty instead of an important diagnostic tool.

Otherwise, the appointment will hopefully end up being a complete waste of $150. I'm just sorry that the answer to the question about induction overshadowed what was otherwise a really positive visit. If it does come down to it, I'll be happy to have met the doctor that will cut me open should I need it >.<

I'm a horrible human being.

I'm somewhere in my 8th month of pregnancy (I'm due either June 6th or June 12th, depending on how you're measuring due dates, my estimated date of conception puts me at June 6th, my ultrasound puts us at June 12th, but if I had normal cycles, I'd be due around May 30th!). I'm huge, the baby is moving a TON, and I'm exhausted. Last night, for example, I woke up just about once an hour to pee or generally feel uncomfortable, and now they're working on the roofs, so much for napping.

I keep getting comments from friends, family, and complete strangers about how much I must love the baby already and how excited I must be, and it almost always succeeds in making me feel horrible. To be honest, I'm excited, I guess, but I'm mostly nervous. I never thought that I'd be married and have a child. EVER. But in the past two years, since meeting J, everything has changed. I'm completely ill-prepared to handle a child, I'm not even sure that I've ever changed a diaper before! I think I'm just most excited just to get this energy-sapping kidney-kicking thing out of me.

I'm also finding it extremely difficult to love this baby already. It sounds horrible. It feels horrible. But all I know about this thing is that it hurts me, keeps me up at night (which is a big deal, sleeping is my Favorite Activity!), and makes people stare at me in public. I hate feeling like I'm unable to do everyday things because I get dizzy after standing too long, or I end up out of breath, or my Braxton Hicks can be so severe that I'm afraid to drive. I'm scared of childbirth, and with most people I know being so negative about my natural-birth intentions, it's hard not to start believing them.

My mother is the worst about this. She's always asking if I've been talking to the baby, singing to the baby, or cuddling with my stomach. She tells me that I'm supposed to be playing music for her and talking to her in Spanish so that she'll be bilingual when she's born. I'm not sure how some women really enjoy their pregnancy so much and want to do it again and again. I worry about my ability to parent when the baby is here because I don't already love her. I want to meet her, get to know her, get to at least Hold Her outside of my belly. I worry that I won't be able to love her.

People keep asking us about names, but I find it so hard to even think about. How do I name this little thing that I don't know and doesn't even feel like a person yet? The closest I've come is calling it Squidgit, which sounds adorable and endearing, but is really just because it makes me feel squidgy and sick more often than not. 

Even now I feel horrible about this post. I feel like I shouldn't publish it because it's full of terrible things. Still, I planning on being honest, truthful, and open. Maybe my experiences with this will help another mother-to-be, maybe another mother will make me feel less alone.. or maybe I'll just feel worse and delete it later.

:-/

Huge Picture-Filled Update

I've been horrible about updating again, but this time I have an excuse: the computer that I normally use at home (a huge desktop tower) has gotten this horrible trojan virus that masquerades as an antivirus program and blocks access to EVERYTHING. it sucks. And the laptop, which is normally the hubby's computer, has a sticky space bar, which is the most annoying thing to type on.

Oh, and I suddenly find myself busy again! ACEN is coming up and a friend is having me work on his costume at the last minute :-/, and the awesome doula who runs the childbirth classes I am taking is having me crochet some boobies!!!  They're going to be used as aids for lactation awareness and breastfeeding classes. I'll be making multi-racial boobs first, then eventually making boobs with inverted nipples, clogged ducts, engorged boobs, small boobs, droopy boobs, etc, etc... it's going to be awesome! Talk about a craft market that I never considered before! I've been tapering off the costuming contracts, partially because my sewing machine is wonky and keeps eating fabric and partially because it's just too hard for me to cut out pattern pieces and work around a table (i'm HUGE, or at least I feel HUGE!).

The birthing class I'm taking has us all start a pregnancy nutrition diet. To be honest (sorry Colleen), it annoyed me a lot at first (I'm a junky eater with no money for much better than mac n cheese and hot dogs), but it's helped me keep track of what I'm eating, I just don't know if I can afford another expensive can of protein powder since I have to go through so much of it since I don't really eat much meat. ANYWAYS, I didn't mean to complain so much, the point of mentioning the diet is to brag about the dinner I made myself!

I saute'd potatoes, carrots, broccoli, corn, and almonds with olive oil and seasonings. It was DELICIOUS. I just can't imagine cooking like that every day. I know some people can, and some people enjoy it, I'm just not one of those people. I'm lazy and I know it. Now if only I could get myself to do those stretches >.<

Lately I find myself freaking out over the baby coming and not having enough ready (I'm not sure i'll every feel 'ready'). This has led to a lot of frantic crafting and organizing on my part. Here are some of the things I've been working on. I've been stuck on a crochet streak since it seems to be the easiest with my low energy levels and my huge tummy.

This is the first blanket I've every crocheted. It has huge spaces between the stitches so that the baby will be comfortable in the summer. Unfortunately, I didn't think ahead and buy a large hook for the large stitches, so the blanket is also incredibly uneven, but has a sort of hand-made charm to it. It's made of the Sugar'n Cream brand's new stripes yarn in green and white.

When I was little i always needed something to do with my hands, and I still do. I also always needed to have some sort of comforting object around. I crocheted little cloths out of more Sugar'n Cream yarn. The larger has some huge buttons on it for when the baby is teething or needs something colorful to fiddle with. If she doesn't end up liking them, they'll make great washcloths too ^.^

I also made a baby cocoon. For those of you who aren't familiar with them, they're another way to swaddle a baby and make sure that she doesn't hit herself in the face while she's sleeping before her coordination has developed. For the picture, there's a stuffed lamb in it pretending to be a baby. Extra thanks to my aunt Linda for the stuffed animals she gave me (they'll show up in more pictures a little lower.).

This is my current crochet project. It's another blanket, this time made yellow and green yarns (the colors didn't photograph so well >.< ) and the proper sized hook so it will hopefully turn out square and even.


I'm tempted to sell crocheted things on etsy, but I'm not sure that I'm willing to put in all the time it takes to make these things with how little they will sell for. unfortunately the market is so permeated by machine-knitted things that people are not really willing to spend the money on something that is hand made and takes forever to make.


In a frantic effort to convince myself that I am ready for the baby, I've done some nesting. Unfortunately my comfort and energy levels haven't been enough to let me actually CLEAN the house, but I've worked on putting all the baby things together and in order of size:

I cleared off a set of shelves and used it for all the baby-appropriate books and assorted toys we've acquired so far.
The top shelf is a couple of dragon needlepoints that a friend made me a while ago and I framed. It also has the adult books that are child appropriate and a couple very old childrens books. Unfortunately the Tolkein collection, which I will be reading my child from birth, did not fit on these shelves and aren't pictured.

The second shelf has a plushy version of our cat that we got at ACen last year, my stuffed bunny from when I was a baby, and the assorted children's books that I've gotten from a used book store near us. My favorite is Not A Box by Antoinette Portis. I was really into playing pretend as a child and this book is all about a bunny playing pretend with a box. it rocks my socks.

The third shelf is full of stuffed animals from my aunt (the giraffe and the bear), a few toys I've bought (the lion mirror, the cow rattle/teether, and the linkies), the sun that used the hang over my crib when I was a baby, and two wooded teethers from etsy. I posted before about the 'I love you' ASL teether in both my Sign Language Post as well as a Featured Seller Post. It's from an awesome Etsy.com seller; EcoAyris. The smaller teether is a squirrel from Etsy seller Little Sapling Toys.

And below the shelves, this awkward giraffe sits :-) I have a thing for awkwardly cute animals.


Along the same lines, I organized all the baby things in the closets. I sorted them all by size >.<

This organizer hangs in the closet and is acting as a stand-in dresser until I can get my old changing table-dresser from my family (they're jewish and don't believe in giving me baby things until the baby is here so as not to jinx it). If you look really carefully, you can see the Star Wars onesie on the fourth shelf down :-) now I just need a Lord of the Rings onesie to balance the hubby's nerdiness. Almost everything in this organizer was bought by us at Goodwill or Salvation Army or made by me.

All of these were gotten by my mom and my grandmother. They're crazy shoppers. I'm pretty sure my grandmother would be pissed if she knew that my mom already let me take these clothes home but my mother needed the closet space.

Here are the rest of our baby supplies so far. There's a wipes case, wipes, baby soap, as well as disposable and reusable diapers.

I've also been doing a lot of child-centered reading, here are the three things I'm working on right now:

There's The Thinking Woman's Guide to a  Better Birth by Henci Goer, Baby Sign Language Basics (I'm using it to teach the hubby sign and to brush up on my own skills) by Monta Z Briant, and the most adorable manga I've ever seen: Yotsuba&! vol. 3 by Kiyohiko Azuma.

Also, here's an obligatory baby belly pic and a pic of me. The dress I'm wearing is the only thing that still fits me and manages to cover my belly >.< everything else is too short now.

I'm generally a pretty tiny person, so the bump really stands out. I've caught retail workers with a terrified look on their faces, I'm sure they think I'm probably ready to pop! and honestly, I feel like I am.

And then there's this horrible facebook-style picture... really just because I realized there aren't any recent pics of me floating around the web and I wanted to show off my badly dreaded hair (i'm too lazy!) and my newly acquired acne (never had it during puberty, it decided to show up during pregnancy).

And last but not least, since my cat always insists on being the center of attention and it's impossible to take any pictures without taking at least one of him:

He likes sniffing and rubbing on my childbirth class binder because it came from a house with a dog :-) oh, and you can get a glimpse of our AWESOME COW PRINT OFFICE CHAIR in the upper right.

 So yeah, THE END!

Pregnancy Update, Quiz Style

How far along?: 30 or 31 weeks depending on how you're measuring.

Total weight gain: 38 pounds!! i couldn't be happier!

Maternity clothes: kind of.. I'm usually wearing mostly maternity clothes with a couple things that aren't and just happen to fit. Right now, the non-maternity item would be an awesome pair of Thai Fisherman Pants that I bought on Etsy and got in the mail today ^.^ I'll post pictures when I have a working camera again.

Sleep: not much. Acid Reflux, achiness, and the inability to roll over make a full night of sleep near impossible.

Best moment of the week: Earlier today I found out that the baby flipped! She's not breech any more!!

Movement: Lots. Before yesterday she had actually managed to bruise some organs, but now that she's flipped she has a whole new set of squishies to kick >.<

Gender Sex: Female

Food cravings:  Fruit (seems to be a different fruit every day)

Labor signs: Nothing real yet, but I've had a few Braxton Hicks that were especially bad, one of which was because I almost got in a car accident (there was a drunk driver going diagonally through a crowded parking lot, screeching breaks on my part were the only thing that saved the cars)

Bell button in or out: It's pretty far out! not as far as it could go yet though.

What I miss most: Sleep. No question. I used to be a 10+ hours a night type of person, sleep was my favorite thing to do, and now I'm lucky if I can manage 6.

What I'm looking forward to: Feeling like a normal person again. I'm tired of being treated and having to treat myself like I'm disabled. Between back aches, sore hips, aching joints, i've never felt so old!

Quiz stolen from Brit and Her Crew 

On Birth Plans

     I've seen a lot of women and birthing professionals (whether doulas or midwives) posting about birth plans in blogs. Some say that having a well drawn-out birth plan is absolutely necessary, others say that the mother needs to be flexible depending on what situations arise, and still others argue that if someone wants a home birth-like experience, then they should birth at home (which can't legally be done in Illinois with a midwife present - article here).

     The most recent post on personal birth plans on a blog that I read was by Ashley on How To Hide a Tank in This post. Ashley is very lucky to be able to have a home birth attended by a midwife, so she feels that only a verbal birth plan is necessary should something go wrong that requires intervention.

     Amy Wynn wrote a post for Offbeat Mama that can be found Here where she talks about throwing out her birth plan in order to stop herself from being control obsessed and to increase her chances of being happy with the birth no matter how it turned out. That said, she also made sure that her doctor was aware of her wishes.

     Unfortunately, living in Illinois and in a rented town house, I can not have expectations of such a comfortable and care-free birth. There are no independent birth centers either. Turns out that the headquarters of the American Medical Association are housed in Illinois, which means that they have a ton of legal sway and the desires of patients are largely ignored. Midwifery itself seems to be only borderline legal in this state, with the midwife group that I see needing to associate themselves with a doctor in order to practice. (see Illinois Families for Midwifery or the Coalition for Illinois Midwifery if you're interested in helping fight for midwives in Illinois)

     Because of this, I'll be giving birth in an alternative birthing room inside of a hospital. Even though my birth will be attended by an AWESOME midwife, we'll be at the whims of the hospital policies. So.. I've made a birth plan.. kind of. It's actually in bullet points right now, which seems to work better because it makes information easier to find. It also follows the policies that my midwife holds to, so it's really more for the other hospital staff than for her.

     Yes, I understand that the hospital staff is trained in child birth. I understand that they should be expected to do whatever is best for me. I also understand that liability insurance is an expensive thing and that doctors can be quick to jump to unnecessary procedures in order to cover their own asses. I hold strongly to the idea that childbirth is a natural process that does not necessitate medical intervention in most cases. I believe that the high rate of C-Sections in the U.S. is HORRIBLE. I also believe that some people hold certain opinions about young mothers that might make them choose to save my baby over me. Sorry.. no. I would much rather live to see another day and be able to adopt a child. I know it's selfish, but right now this baby is really just a severe case of indigestion and a little alien that likes to kick me in the bladder.