Sometimes, It Does Happen

In stark contrast to the facebook conversation that I blogged about before, over the weekend I was actually thanked/congratulated for breastfeeding in public.

I'm a big Bristol Renaissance Faire patron. I've worked there in the past, but took time off since my due date was so close to performance rehearsals and faire opening. (honestly, I probably could have worked in a shop with River, but I had no idea how easy of a baby she would be!) I know a bunch of people there, and there are not many other places that I feel so at home.

Anyways, I've only made it to faire a handful of times this year because of issues with rides, laziness, money, or whatever else. The times that I have gone, I've been met mostly with positivity from people I know when they see me breastfeeding. The people I don't know are not always so positive.

This past weekend, on sunday, J and I made the trip up there with some kids from his work. It was mostly work, he was showing them the costuming and performing that people at faire do and looking to network with some shops to buy product from them. It was in one shop, after feeling particularly icked by an old man with eye-contact issues, that the shop artist complimented me for breastfeeding in public.

She is an awesome mother and artist who creates all the product for Grichels (Check out their Etsy page!). I've always been a big fan of the art she creates out of leather (I know, I'm a hypocritical vegetarian). I had also never had a complete stranger react so positively to my breastfeeding in public (I've had either ambiguous reactions or negative ones to varying degrees). It was great for someone to tell me that they breastfed their children, how hard it is to breastfeed in public, and how necessary it is to see it so that people know it's normal.


In other news; it looks like I'll be taking a quick trip to West Virginia soon.. It seems that they do not have any laws protecting breastfeeding on their books.. Does anyone know if West Virginia in general is hostile to breastfeeding or just ambivalent? I'd really rather not be arrested for public indecency, have to deal with any legal drama, or anything else while I'm there..

Breastfeeding Manifesto

I refuse to feed my baby food that is not the best I can give her.

I refuse to sacrifice a good latch and my baby's comfort by putting a blanket over her head (it's hard enough without one!).

I refuse to succumb to society's artificial oversexualization of breasts.

I refuse to become a hermit to make other people comfortable.

I refuse to make my child wait to eat, therefor upsetting her more and making it harder to feed her when I am able.

I refuse to spend hours in public restrooms being ashamed of how I feed my child (would you want to eat in there?).

I refuse to supplement because I know that I can make enough to feed my baby no matter what some ridiculous growth chart says (the doctor was using the old growth charts that include formula-fed babies instead of the WHO breastfeeding charts).

I refuse to listen to uneducated beliefs about breastfeeding, breastmilk, formula, and other baby-raising decisions.

I refuse to be scared away from doing the things I love and seeing the people I love because someone might get uncomfortable.

I refuse to think that people who love me are going to change their opinion because of my parenting decisions.

Here are some great breastfeeding related links:
Authentic Parenting: Breastfeeding Curtesy
Authentic Parenting: Lamest Reasons Not To Breastfeed
Authentic Parenting: Ignorance is Bliss - Silence is Golden!
How To Hide A Tank: Breast is Best, Revisited

The Business of Being Born, a Review

I recently watched The Business of Being Born as per my Bradley Method teacher's recommendation. I've gotten a lot of flak for being very anti-medical model on this blog, mostly from friends IRL (in real life). This documentary did a lot to reinforce my belief that midwives should be more accessible in the United States.

The statistics that are presented in the documentary are cultivated from valid medical studies whose results reinforce the midwifery point of view but many medical professionals ignore. The scenes where obstetricians share their perspectives were extremely troubling, especially for someone who has done a lot of reading about the hazards of medical perspectives in birthing.

To reinforce the statistics and relate them to real experiences of women in labor there are some fantastic interviews with women who birthed using the medical and the midwife professions. They talk about the cascading effects of medical interventions, about the ways that obstetricians coerce women into further interventions, and about their observations about society's views of childbirth. Some of these interviews are even with women who favor the medical model and argue for scheduled inductions and cesareans.

 I love their emphasis on the snowball effect that comes from the introduction of medical interventions, specifically the use of Pitocin causing the need for an epidural which can stall labor and create a need for more Pitocin, which then puts the baby in distress and creates a need for a C-section.

The documentary does a good job of approaching the myths associated with midwifery and home birth. They follow a midwife to some home visits and even a birth, emphasizing all of the tools that she brings with her, most of which she does not often use but carries for emergencies. 

I would imagine that one of the hardest decisions for the filmmakers was to include the filmmaker's own homebirth which ended in a rush to the hospital and a c-section because of fetal distress. I feel like this inclusion added legitimacy to the documentary by giving it a balance and showing how it is still possible to get needed interventions during a homebirth.

One critique that I have is the inclusion of the 'machine that goes ping' scene from Monty Python:

Although the video is frighteningly accurate, the comedy is not prefaced with the documentarian's reason for including it. Instead of showing how absurd the medical perspective is, I fear that the inclusion of this video just makes those who are pro-midwifery seem like they are getting their information from comedy or that we are overreacting.

I have to say, this documentary has given me much more respect for Ricky Lake. I loved her in Cry Baby, didn't really understand her show, and never realized that she had real passion. Her work through this documentary is amazing.

I will be showing this video to any woman I know who is pregnant and will encourage her to do her own research about the medical and midwife perspectives to childbirth.

Stretch Marks

I have posted here a few times about my frustrations with society's assumptions, mostly regarding pregnancy. Well, there's a new one.

I like my stretch marks. I wear them with pride. I've heard a lot of advice on how to get rid of them. It seems that there is a whole slew of products made just for me! Well, me if I wanted to get rid of the scars. There's oils and lotions and pills and herbal remedies, etc, etc.

Me though? When I decided to get pregnant I signed up for everything that went along with it. I signed up for the sleepless nights, the crying baby, the feeling of constantly being needed. I even signed up for the stretch marks.

I feel like I should have something I can show off, like "look what I did, I got so big that I split at the seams!" I look at my stretch marks and I see an accomplishment, I see a reminder of my wonderful uncomplicated pregnancy where I tried really hard to take good care of myself, I see a reminder of my wonderful labor and delivery where I managed to do everything without any drugs or medical interventions.

So after you comment on my large, still red stretch marks, when I say that I'm not looking to get rid of my stretch marks, that is not an invitation to keep telling me about whatever magical remedy you are convinced I need to be using. That is not an invitation to tell me about how I will want them gone. And it is definitely not an invitation for that chuckle that says "aw, that's cute, but you're not serious". I got that same laugh when I talked about unmedicated delivery and I went through with that just fine.

In the end, I just don't feel like I need to be told to hate my own body.

Handmade children's products: Illegal.

Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act (or the CPSIA) is a piece of legislation that was originally intended to make large, multinational corporations liable for the safety of the toys they produce. It created a list of dangerous ingredients that were not to be allowed in children's products and held the manufacturer responsible by making them test the products. Sounds great, right? Honestly, as it was intended, it is.

Unfortunately it is extremely difficult to make mandates on large businesses that small businesses are not forced to follow as well. Where there is a loop hole, large business will find and exploit them. So, while huge corporations will not have an issue paying the thousands of dollars it takes to test a product, small-batch producers will be left in the dust. The legislation is, effectively putting small producers out of business.

I have been making simple children's toys out of recycled plastic felt for a little while now. I've mostly sold them to a friend of mine who is a doula and runs childbirth classes. I've been intending to start an Etsy shop, but wanted to wait until this legislation is figured out. Although all of the parts used in the production of my felties, I would be forced to pay thousands of dollars to test each product. Change the shape of one, or the color of another, pay another few thousand dollars to retest everything. Yup, that's how comprehensive this legislation mandates the testing to be. Keep in mind that every product sold at a store like JoAnn Fabrics or Michaels has already been tested, but because I have repackaged that product, I am forced to retest everything individually and as a finished product.

While this comprehensive testing is great for customers of companies that put out cheap plastic toys that are made using tons of chemicals and small parts, this is murder for anyone that buys products from retailers who make their products by hand in small batches. This doesn't only effect the seller, this effects the people who want to be able to buy locally produced or hand made products. This applies to anything that any child under 12 might use, including toys, clothes, slings, etc. Even thrift stores would be forced to comply with this legislation, which they have no means of doing! This means that the market will only contain products made by these large corporations.

This legislation was already passed in 2008. Currently most small businesses that create products for children are choosing to break the law in order to keep their livelihood and keep doing what they love. They are working to contact legislators and have some exemptions added to the legislation that will allow them to keep creating their amazing products.

HERE is etsy.com's story on The Handmade Toy Alliance, an organization that is working to support small handcrafting businesses

Please, keep supporting small businesses, keep buying from individuals, we need it now more than ever.
Check out www.handmadetoyalliance.org and contact your legislators!

Why aren't there more midwife-type practitioners?

I think going through a midwife for my pregnancy was one of the best choices I ever made. I don't think I could have had anything close to my positive experience if I had chosen another type of health care provider. That said, I'm frustrated now. I'm frustrated that there aren't more professionals using the midwife philosophies in their practices. I'm so glad that I can keep going to my midwife group for my regular gynecological appointments, but I wish they could do more.

Much like pregnancy, I feel that the point of early pediatric appointments are to stand out of the way of the child's development and just monitor it to make sure that there are no issues. How does going to a medically trained pediatrician differ from going to an obstetrician for pregnancy?

I feel like the doctor, more often than not, is looking for something to be wrong. I feel like they can often let their own judgments get in the way of their practice. Every visit to my child's pediatrician has included her telling me that it's ok to use formula instead of breastfeeding even though I have told her my opinions and cited research that contradicts her. I have been less than honest with her about our decisions to cosleep and breastfeed on demand because I'm afraid that she will think less of my parenting (how stupid is that).

Recently the World Health Organization published a new set of size charts for babies who are specifically breastfed. My pediatrician, at our one week appointment, insisted that we bring River in for a two week appointment because she had decided that River wasn't gaining enough weight. She decided this based on her chart that was developed including formula fed babies, even though formula fed babies typically gain more weight and are more likely to be obese. I think I might have to print out these newer charts and bring them in.

I really shouldn't feel that I need to educate my child's pediatrician.

You might be asking why I'm not going to another pediatrician that shares my views about raising children and stays more up-to-date on research.. well, there's a couple reasons: (1) those pediatricians don't seem to exist in my area, or if they do, I can't seem to find them. (2) The doctor that we're seeing was my hubby's doctor when he was younger, and he has some attachment to the idea of River seeing her.

I have given in to seeing this doctor in particular because I feel that I am well-researched enough to counter her opinions with well-researched fact, but I worry about mothers who don't do their own research and follow everything that the doctor says.

Back to the original topic of this post: I don't see why there can't be a practitioner that functions more like a midwife. This would include a weigh-in, some simple measurements, maybe some occasional testing, but mostly just a check-in. This would include talking to me like I'm an adult who might have some knowledge or at least know how to read instead of like a child who would be hopeless without the doctor's guidance. This would include getting to know us as a family instead of just River's statistics in her file. This would include telling us about a procedure, vaccine, or concern instead of just telling us what the doctor recommends. Why can't we have more medical practitioners like that?

BHaG article update

VICTORY! BHaG apologist for their article where they condemned breastfeeding in restaurants and deleted that section from the article! All the negative feedback that BHaG received after the article was published really made a difference! We need to keep working to make sure that breastfeeding mothers are comfortable no matter where they go.

Here's the apology in their own words:

Editor's note: We apologize for the patently inappropriate sections, which we have removed from the post. We support breastfeeding moms -- and all moms -- in their desire to include their children in their public lives. We pledge to do better in the future in both the tone and content of our posts. We will be posting our positive parenting tips for eating out soon.

and here is a link to the new article and the apology:
The 9 Commandments Of Dining With Little Kids

BHaG is anti-breastfeeding.

Generally speaking, I'm for breastfeeding. I respect every mother's right to choose what is best for her and her child, even if that's not breastfeeding, but MY intention is to breastfeed exclusively for 6 months, and almost exclusively for another 6 months after that. That said, no matter what your personal decision is regarding breastfeeding, I think that most women (especially mothers) can agree that a woman should never be pressured to NOT breastfeed. In fact, I think that women should be encouraged and breastfeeding should be as comfortable as giving a kid a bottle.

In Illinois (as in most U.S. states and on federal property) a woman has the right to breastfeed anywhere that she is allowed to be. Still, some businesses are not aware of this, and try to get breastfeeding women to leave or stop breastfeeding. Unsupportive public opinions can make the difference between successful breastfeeding and a mother deciding to switch to a bottle.

I recently came across this article from Better Homes and Gardens Magazine: The 10 Commandments of Dining with Little Kids. In it, the author says:

THOU SHALT NOT BREAST FEED AT THE TABLE
Yes, I have seen table-side breast feeding at a four-star restaurant. If at all possible, take it to the ladies room. (Note: most upscale restaurants have really nice restrooms!)

What amazes and scares me is not only that this article was written by a woman, but that she claims not to be 'anti-kid'. I have more than a few issues with this:

• Yes, a bathroom might be very nice, but no one wants to eat in one, and I think there are very few people who would want to spend up to 30 minutes of their meal out sitting in a bathroom.
• Handicap stalls are for people with disabilities, not for breastfeeding mothers. 
• Who wants to wait in line for the bathroom while a mother breastfeeds, especially if there are not multiple stalls.
• She also includes the 'commandment' "THOU SHALL TRY TO QUELL HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING". I don't know if anyone has noticed, but a hungry baby tends to be a loud baby. 
• Most mothers who breastfeed show surprisingly little to no boob.
• You don't have to look, in fact, it's rude to stare. 
• Society has created this insane oversexualization of breasts and has turned them into a taboo. Exposure to breasts being used for sustenance should be encouraged, not exposure to breasts as a way to use sexuality to sell products.
• Eating as a family is a positive experience and should be started as young as possible. Eating while breastfeeding is also a great way for the mother to make sure that she is getting the nutrition necessary to continue breastfeeding. 
• The author is definitely anti-kid if she does not support breastfeeding. Breastfeeding has been shown over and over to provide the best nutrients for a child and lowers the rates of SIDs. 

Yes, I'm using this article as a sort of sacrificial lamb, but if people are not called out when they do not support breastfeeding, no change is going to be made. We should not isolate mothers, we should not discourage breastfeeding. End of story.

My battle with antepartum depression.

I've been really horrible about updating here. I get a good post in about once a week, and otherwise I can't motivate myself to make coherent posts (or do much of anything else). About once a day I'll open up the new post page and just sit there, with nothing to say. I've been like this about a lot of stuff actually.

I've been having a hard time with depression during pregnancy (or antepartum depression). Basically, the hormonal changes in my body are bringing on a reemergence of the horrible depressive episodes I had in high school. I've had no motivation to do much more than sleep and eat. Since I don't have motivation to actually get up and do anything, that means that I'm eating processed junk more than anything, since it's the easiest to just grab without having to cook. It means that I only made 4 felties in the past two weeks, and only one crocheted boob. It means the house is a mess. It means that J comes home from work, asks what I did that day, and I say nothing because I really did nothing. It means that the slightest thing makes me cry.

I know that these feelings are hormonally based. Unlike during my depressive episodes in high school, there is nothing triggering these, there are no excuses for my mood. I just feel down. I know that J is getting frustrated with it. He asks me what is wrong all the time. I feel horrible because I know that he's just looking for some way to make me feel better, I know that he's frustrated. He reminds me all the time that the pregnancy is almost over, that soon I'll have my baby in my arms and she won't be playing with my hormonal buttons all the time.

I'm trying to take the time to enjoy little happy moments right now.  I've been trying to get myself to whip out the camera and smile. I've rearranged all of the baby's things and played with her toys to try to bring myself out of this. I've talked to my midwife and my hubby, and short of therapy (which I don't have money for and don't think will help since it's hormonally based) or medication (which has never worked well for me in the past) there's nothing that can really be done.

I also worry about postpartum depression. I know that people who have depression issues earlier in life, especially during pregnancy, are much more likely to have postpartum depression. I have this vision of me, happy, with a newborn, enjoying all the little moments in life, but a part of me knows that this is not very likely. I'm more likely to be sitting at home doing nothing every day, much like I am now, except with a crying, pooping, needy baby.

There's a lot of attention given to postpartum depression, especially in the media. It's great that there is so much information about it floating around, but there is almost no time given to antepartum depression. I hope that by posting, at least someone else out there might not feel so alone when dealing with it.

Babies review crossposted to FeministReview!

I'm super excited right now that my review of the Babies documentary was chosen to be crossposted to FeministReview.Blogspot.com! It means a lot that other people thought my review to be that good!

So check it out at Feminist Review Here!

Or on my page, Here.

(there are some slight differences in the articles, mostly because there  is a word limit at Feminist Review, and partially because some conscientious wording changes were made)

Feminism vs Faminism??? WTF?

Just came across a horrible article in The New York Observer: Faminist Theory.

The article creates a completely bogus divide between  feminists and any woman who has a family. It ignores the fact that feminism is just as much about the right to not have children and a family, as it is about being able TO have children and a family.

"The feminist battleground, with its slogans, marches, and campaigns for reproductive rights, has given way to the playground and the fight for lactation rights, stroller rights, school-system rights, unpasteurized milk rights, charter schools, birthing techniques, nutritional value of bagged lunches and water quality. It is not so much about the Fem as it is about the Fam."

This quote probably angers me the most. It is basically arguing that all of these things, because they are not about postponing childbirth, are not feminist issues. The article is completely misleading! Lactation rights, birthing techniques, VBAC's, etc. are all FEMINIST ISSUES! The right to HAVE children is just as much a reproductive right as the right NOT TO. Feminists fought for years against involuntary sterilizations (there was a huge epidemic of unconsented sterilizations of poor and colored women that went on for years) and eugenics, and continue to fight for rights to all the previously listed causes as well as rights to paid maternity leave, health care that covers reproductive rights, etc.

No man has to worry about whether or not he will be able to breastfeed in public, have the natural or unnatural birth that he wants, or be forced into yet another cesarean. Some amazing feminist men fight for these rights, but it is mostly is female feminists who fight for these causes, and the fights are most commonly against men. Just because someone's personal priorities change from career to family does not mean that they stop being feminists.

“Women are defining themselves more by their families than they are by themselves,” said Pamela Paul, a 39-year-old mother of three in Harlem and author of Parenting Inc. “It’s no longer about something as selfish and self-advancing as abortion or the pill.”

I strongly resent the idea that since people do not openly talk about abortion rights, we are somehow past the need to fight for them. I don't know about other mothers out there, but my pregnancy experience has made me MORE supportive of reproductive rights! I would not wish the past 9 months on anyone who didn't choose it for themselves. It's also my opinion that if someone doesn't support abortions, it's easy enough not to get one. Instead of forcing our beliefs on other people, we should be content with making our own decisions based on our own beliefs.

I also resent the idea that fighting for access to abortions or the pill is somehow selfish. I think that waiting until you are physically, emotionally, and financially prepared to have children is beyond unselfish. I think that making sure that your child can grow up with everything they need is incredibly important. They ignore the fact that most abortions are received by women who already have children. They ignore the fact that many of these women who are choosing to have families now once used the pill and made a conscious decision to have children, which in my mind makes them all the more special.

As a supposed 'reference' to this change from feminism to faminism, they have a slideshow of '9 Women Who Prefer Prams to Politics'. Instead of including any meaningful images that might have strengthened their weak arguments, they included pictures of 9 random celebrity mothers toting around their children. The worst part was that they even included pictures of celebrity mothers who CONTINUE to work on global politics beyond reproductive justice and family rights. They imply that, by having a family, these women have given up fighting for any other causes. It's incredibly demeaning to limit a woman's identity to only that of a mother. I'm sorry, I'll be a mother, I'll be a mother first and foremost, but I'll still be a feminist, hippie, vegetarian, liberal woman.

The article talks a lot about the younger age that women are deciding to begin their families. They completely ignore larger socioeconomic reasons that more women are having children now. The fact is that it is harder and harder for both partners in a relationship to be employed, and that it makes sense to take time where you would not otherwise be able to work and to have children. I know this played into our decision to have a child. Since I was unable to find employment since graduating anyways, and since my husband was able to support us (though just barely), we made the decision to take this time to start a family. 

This last quote is the most ridiculous, rude, presumptuous part of the article:

"In Ms. Jong’s time, women were protesting compulsory motherhood; now, it seems, they are not protesting anything at all—they are too busy mopping up crumbs."

 I said it earlier, and I'll say it again, just because a woman is a mother does not mean that she stops being anything else.

To make such false divides in a movement is nothing short of an attempt at sabotage.  It's pitting two groups against each other in an attempt to create a weaker movement overall.

I'm making a vow now, especially in light of this recent article, to attend as many rallies, protests, demonstrations, etc. with my daughter in tow. Not just to show people that women with children do still care, but to show my daughter that it is possible to make real change and that political involvement extremely important.

My particular baby shower issues

I could easily make a huge, long post here about the sexist issues surrounding traditional baby shower practices.. But this isn't a widely read feminist blog, this is the personal blog of a feminist, so here are my particular issues, grievances, and situations. That said, I'm sorry if I offend anyone in this post, specifically family members who may stumble across my blog, but I feel the need to be honest. Please keep in mind that this is my space to air out any venomous rationalizations and get my thoughts in order.

There are numerous issues surrounding a baby shower for me.

The first IS the inherently sexist nature that is apparent in most baby showers. It's typically a bunch of women sitting around, which in itself discredits fathers, and engaging in completely gendered activities depending on the prospective sex of the baby. Not to mention that those activities tend to be either really really lame (like baby shower bingo) or slightly nauseating (I really don't understand the obsession with melting candy bars into diapers). The one activity that I LOVE is from OffbeatMama.com where they talk about letting all the guests decorate onesies for the baby (the post is here). The issue with this activity, at least for me, is that my families seem to think that gendering our child is absolutely necessary, and for the sake of the sanity of our little-one, they will do it against our wishes. There's also another Offbeat Mama post on baby showers that I love, but I really can't see anyone in my family participating in or enjoying any of the suggested offbeat activities.

I'm sorry, my husband is going to be just as engaged as a parent as I am. Hell, I completely expect my baby to be daddy's girl (she already kicks more when he's around). There is no way that I am going to any baby shower that excludes him. The baby is just as much a part of him as a part of me.

Another issue I keep running into is the Jewish tradition of postponing baby showers until the baby is here. It's not an issue with the tradition or the paranoia surrounding it, I completely understand. The issue is that J and I need to have started making the large baby purchases like a crib, etc. a long time ago in order to be able to afford them. Nothing on my registry has been listed as having been purchased so I have no idea what I'm going to have to run around and buy at the last minute. It's driving me a little crazy. Plus, since no one uses the registry or communicates about purchases, I know that two people have already bought rocking chairs that are not returnable >.< it's frustrating.

I also find the lack of familial support for natural childbirth completely disheartening. I know I should brush it off, but when people who usually give good advice and have experienced childbirth personally tell me that unmedicated childbirth is impossible or not worth the effort it's hard to not get disheartened. There are a good number of people who think that my desire for a natural birth is 'cute' but that the second I get into labor, I'll be screaming for the meds. And they tell me this. Loudly. I'm sorry, but my understanding was that family was supposed to support each other in their decisions no matter what they are. Not try to tear you down before you even get a chance to try. Yep, thanks for supporting me family!

I left this section for last on purpose... I'm hesitant to post this, but it's probably the biggest issue on my mind about the shower and it's really frustrating me. My inlaws tend to have some very strong opinions and get easily offended when things don't go the way that they think they should.

Some background: before my wedding, my mother in-law (MIL) decided that she would like to throw the wedding shower. Unknown to me, two of my aunts also decided that they would like to be the ones to throw a shower. Since my MIL was the first to tell me, and wasn't very involved in the wedding-planning, J and I decided to essentially 'give' her the party. Instead, she ceded the party planning to my aunts. Her choice. I fought for her. She never tried to contact my aunts and possibly plan something together.

All the women on her side of the family (women only, not my decision) were invited to the shower, but only two came, most of the rest did not even bother to RSVP. Again, Not Our Fault.

Only after the wedding did I start to hear the complaints that the MIL had about the whole shower thing. Now, because she was not involved in the wedding shower planning, she refuses to include herself in the baby shower planning or even plan anything her self. It seems like she's even a little offended that my family is following the Jewish tradition and not holding a shower until after the baby is here.

I just don't understand, if she was so upset about how the shower went, why she didn't say anything or take the offer to hold it, and why she's so set on repeating the whole experience with the baby shower. Instead she has set herself up to be angry again if her family is not invited and completely included in whatever shower plans develop (and it doesn't even seem like anything is actually developing). Still, this seems to be how she likes things, even within her own family she always seems to want to have something to complain about..

So, sorry if my post offended any family members, but these are the thoughts that have been plaguing my mind lately and I am not going to apologize for posting honestly. Any advice from fellow mama-bloggers would be greatly appreciated..

I hope my child will be like Will Phillips

First, some background: Will Phillips refused to stand and recite the Pledge of Allegiance in his class after examining the words of the pledge and realizing that not everyone has the same rights to liberty and justice. After four days of refusing to say the pledge, and being repeatedly harassed by his substitute teacher regarding his refusal, Will Phillips... broke. He told his substitute teacher that she could 'go jump off a bridge'. Probably not the best choice, but he continued to stand up for himself and his right to sit during the pledge.

Recently, Will Phillips was honored at the GLAAD media awards, here is his acceptance speech:


now, i don't necessarily want my child to be exactly like him, but that my child will be able to stand up for herself and others, even against authority figures. I also am amazed by the awesomeness that is his parents! They are incredibly supportive of his actions and are letting him have his own voice and opinions at such a young age. Not only did he formulate these opinions on his own, but he is incredibly bright and articulate when talking about them. He has a great mixture of intelectual speech and age-appropriate joking in his acceptance.

Before I get a little off topic, here is the original CNN story about Will Phillips:


I think it should be noted that this is a pretty big difference from my normal opinion about children in political situations. I find that children in political spotlights are often just parroting or mimicking the opinions of their parents. Even worse than that, some adults go so far as to speak for children, like in this video:


Yes, I'll admit that this child was probably heavily influenced by his parents' political opinions, but in no way are they directing him, and the father even admits to having been upset at his son's behavior in school before learning about the reasoning behind his actions.

I should stop here, I'm just glad to see that some children's voices are being heard and that there are still examples of good parenting out there.

Need to Post!

I have a lot of intentions for this blog. It's almost unfortunate. There's a list sitting next to the keyboard where I routinely write down whatever comes to mind for entry topics, but I don't seem to be getting anywhere with actually writing them! I'd really like to get most of this down by the time the baby is here, partially as a way to remember for later, and partially as a way to remind myself that I'm not alone in this. I don't have any friends that I see on a regular basis who are pregnant or have  young children, I feel pretty isolated in all this. It really doesn't help that J and I share a car, so I have to drive him to work and use extra gas if I want to get out of the house at all.

Anyways, here's my list of entry topic ideas. Please PLEASE PLEASE comment on which you'd most like to see written about! It can be something you're interested in learning more about, or something that you have strong opinions on that you'd like to share.. or you could just be curious about my parenting intentions... whatever reason it is, let me know so that I have some reason or motivation to post!!!

• Cloth Vs. Disposable Diapers: research and my intentions
• Breast Feeding: research and my intentions
• Baby Wearing: research and my intentions, with extra attention paid to sling recall
• State of Midwifery in Illinois: research
• Sentimental Fetus Post: basically a post about how i'm trying to love something that gives me heartburn and how it's hard for me
• Gender Neutral Parenting: my parenting intentions
• Baby-Led Weaning: research and my intentions
• The Awesomeness that is My Hubby! because he rocks
• Baby Shower: family issues and the difficulty of wanting a gender neutral shower

Anyways, PLEASE comment!! even if you never read this, even if you just glance at it, COMMENT! 

On Birth Plans

     I've seen a lot of women and birthing professionals (whether doulas or midwives) posting about birth plans in blogs. Some say that having a well drawn-out birth plan is absolutely necessary, others say that the mother needs to be flexible depending on what situations arise, and still others argue that if someone wants a home birth-like experience, then they should birth at home (which can't legally be done in Illinois with a midwife present - article here).

     The most recent post on personal birth plans on a blog that I read was by Ashley on How To Hide a Tank in This post. Ashley is very lucky to be able to have a home birth attended by a midwife, so she feels that only a verbal birth plan is necessary should something go wrong that requires intervention.

     Amy Wynn wrote a post for Offbeat Mama that can be found Here where she talks about throwing out her birth plan in order to stop herself from being control obsessed and to increase her chances of being happy with the birth no matter how it turned out. That said, she also made sure that her doctor was aware of her wishes.

     Unfortunately, living in Illinois and in a rented town house, I can not have expectations of such a comfortable and care-free birth. There are no independent birth centers either. Turns out that the headquarters of the American Medical Association are housed in Illinois, which means that they have a ton of legal sway and the desires of patients are largely ignored. Midwifery itself seems to be only borderline legal in this state, with the midwife group that I see needing to associate themselves with a doctor in order to practice. (see Illinois Families for Midwifery or the Coalition for Illinois Midwifery if you're interested in helping fight for midwives in Illinois)

     Because of this, I'll be giving birth in an alternative birthing room inside of a hospital. Even though my birth will be attended by an AWESOME midwife, we'll be at the whims of the hospital policies. So.. I've made a birth plan.. kind of. It's actually in bullet points right now, which seems to work better because it makes information easier to find. It also follows the policies that my midwife holds to, so it's really more for the other hospital staff than for her.

     Yes, I understand that the hospital staff is trained in child birth. I understand that they should be expected to do whatever is best for me. I also understand that liability insurance is an expensive thing and that doctors can be quick to jump to unnecessary procedures in order to cover their own asses. I hold strongly to the idea that childbirth is a natural process that does not necessitate medical intervention in most cases. I believe that the high rate of C-Sections in the U.S. is HORRIBLE. I also believe that some people hold certain opinions about young mothers that might make them choose to save my baby over me. Sorry.. no. I would much rather live to see another day and be able to adopt a child. I know it's selfish, but right now this baby is really just a severe case of indigestion and a little alien that likes to kick me in the bladder.

Judgement Frustrations

    I'll be the first to admit it; I'm a young mother. I'm also young to be married. But when something is right, it's right and there's no point in waiting. I even was the one to ask HIM to marry ME! But, all that said, I can not Stand when someone who has never met me or even said two words to me feels that they are allowed to make judgements about me and my life.

    Some background: I look younger than I am.. before I was pregnant I was still being asked what highschool I go to. In fact, I am 22 and have already graduated college with a (useless) bachelors degree in Psychology as well as Gender and Women's Studies. I'm sure that I'll appreciate my youthful appearance some time down the line, but right now it is just annoying.  For years I was one of those people who swore that I would never get married and Never Ever have children (at least not of my own body, I'm still terrified of childbirth). Well, finding the right person to share my life with changed that first part, and somehow even changed the second!

    So flash forward to today: I'm walking through a grocery store, buying some fresh fruit while J (the hubby) looked at some protein drinks for me, and in that half a minute that we were seperated one man about 40 years old gives me a look of complete Disgust. Not a little ew look, but like he just puked a little in his mouth because there was this young pregnant woman who was unattended in a grocery store. And this wasn't the first time. I've even heard comments and been told that someone was 'so sorry'. Sorry? You don't know anything about me or my situation, and even if I Was this teenage mother that you've assumed I am, it's Still incredibly rude to make your own judgements about someone else's choices.

    Yesterday, while J was at work I ran into a similar situation. I was thrifting at a Salvation Army for costuming accessories and had stopped to grab some baby clothes for when the baby is finally here. Through the entirety of my time there I was getting those aweful 'pitty looks' from people. I'm sorry, you're shopping at the Salvation Army the same as me.. One person even went so far as to comment to whoever they were shopping with that it was "so sad". Yes, because getting a ton of clothes for the price of one new outfit was 'sad', choosing to save my money for a nicer crib and to be able to take my baby places when she's born is 'sad', and choosing to support a nonprofit organization (even though they are religiously slanted, there aren't any other good thrift stores in the area) instead of buying new clothes made in third-world sweatshops is 'sad'. -sarcasm-

    It makes me want to SCREAM and these are only a couple of recent similar occurrences.

    I think I'm going to stay home for the rest of my pregnancy, or at least only leave the house with the hubby close by my side.. but that would be giving in and I am determined to NEVER be a week woman who lets others decide what is ok and what isn't. So out I go, with my dreads and my head held high. And really, screw those people who think that they have any right to judge me, my life, or my family!

Bloggy Intentions

    The decision to start a new blog was made after realizing that I read a TON of other people's blogs, and that I was losing touch with myself (see first post). It's meant to be a way for me to analyze my decisions and make sure that my life stays interesting! The way I figure it, a more interesting Life means a more interesting Blog, which means more Readers! It also helps keeps me from falling in the Stress/Fatigue/Mommy Routine that keeps threatening to overtake me.

    So here are some of my Intentions with this blog:

• Tuesday: highlight an online seller, usually an Etsy.com seller, and choose a favorite product of theirs. I'm going to try to limit this to promoting individuals (so no big conglomerate websites that order products from china, etc...), but an extremely exceptional website that isn't an individual producer may get featured occasionally. A particularly amazing blog might also get featured once in a while.
• Thursday: take the time to learn and write out instructions to a craft, sewing project, recipe, etc... and post it on here for whoever ends up reading this. The intention is to keep my abilities fresh and to participate in the open flow of creative ideas. 
• Sale Finds: to post pictures of the things I find in my garage/estate/rummage/thrift sale adventures. 
• Family Pics: to post pictures of myself, my family, and my home relatively often. I always enjoy seeing pictures from other individual's blogs and hope that readers will enjoy seeing my pictures too! (speaking of, my camera is out of batteries... another thing for the ToDo list)
• Along with the family pictures, I plan on writing a lot about what happens in my family, developments, hurdles found as a feminist full-time mom, etc...
• Discuss political and feminist news and articles, probably weekly. I was going to assign a day of the week to post this on, but I think it makes more sense to post whenever I find some topic of interest (which is really quite often).

    There are a few reasons that I'm posting my intentions openly; so that you know what to expect if you decide to read my blog, and so that I can be held to these expectations and use the list when I'm feeling some writers block. 

    And, in an effort to keep with my intentions, and to minimize the text-i-ness of this post, here's a pic from my (our) wedding:

I love that boy.

Me, lately.

   Upon reflection, I've come to realize that I have lost myself lately. Not that I had changed to make anyone else happy. Not that I got swept up in a crowd. Not that I had really changed in any overly dramatic way. Just that I had gotten lazy. I still cared about the same issues and believed the same things, I was just too lazy to do anything about it.

   So, this is Me. This is me reclaiming every part of my identity and making a point of being the person that I am even through exhaustion and stress and change. This is me vowing to tell the truth to myself and to you, whoever you are. Who am I? I am a Nerdy Hippie Feminist Housewife with a child on the way who Crafts and functions as a Jack-Of-All-Trades when I can get the contracts and the sales to help bring some money in. I am currently in the process of dreadlocking my hair for the upteenth time because that's what truly makes me feel like the Earth-Mother that I need and want to be.

    My husband is also a Nerdy Hippie Feminist Jack-of-all-Trades who shares my dreams of owning a small farm, raising Alpaca and our own food, and escaping from society. We have a sick tendency of saying the same thing at the same time and loving eachother until our friends want to puke. He loves and respects me, and tries to share all of the household chores evenly, even after a really long day of work. I have no idea how I got so Lucky.

    I guess I should probably share some pregnancy details too, since that seems to be all that anyone wants to talk to me about since I started showing... I'm currently either 29 or 30 weeks along depending on what evidence you're looking at, meaning that I have about 10 weeks left. The baby is female, but we've outlawed all pink and dolls and cooking toys until my daughter can point to something that she wants on her own. We are purposefully not influencing her in any direciton (OK, so that's partially a lie, we'll be influincing her towards Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and towards an open and accepting outlook).