Sometimes, It Does Happen

In stark contrast to the facebook conversation that I blogged about before, over the weekend I was actually thanked/congratulated for breastfeeding in public.

I'm a big Bristol Renaissance Faire patron. I've worked there in the past, but took time off since my due date was so close to performance rehearsals and faire opening. (honestly, I probably could have worked in a shop with River, but I had no idea how easy of a baby she would be!) I know a bunch of people there, and there are not many other places that I feel so at home.

Anyways, I've only made it to faire a handful of times this year because of issues with rides, laziness, money, or whatever else. The times that I have gone, I've been met mostly with positivity from people I know when they see me breastfeeding. The people I don't know are not always so positive.

This past weekend, on sunday, J and I made the trip up there with some kids from his work. It was mostly work, he was showing them the costuming and performing that people at faire do and looking to network with some shops to buy product from them. It was in one shop, after feeling particularly icked by an old man with eye-contact issues, that the shop artist complimented me for breastfeeding in public.

She is an awesome mother and artist who creates all the product for Grichels (Check out their Etsy page!). I've always been a big fan of the art she creates out of leather (I know, I'm a hypocritical vegetarian). I had also never had a complete stranger react so positively to my breastfeeding in public (I've had either ambiguous reactions or negative ones to varying degrees). It was great for someone to tell me that they breastfed their children, how hard it is to breastfeed in public, and how necessary it is to see it so that people know it's normal.


In other news; it looks like I'll be taking a quick trip to West Virginia soon.. It seems that they do not have any laws protecting breastfeeding on their books.. Does anyone know if West Virginia in general is hostile to breastfeeding or just ambivalent? I'd really rather not be arrested for public indecency, have to deal with any legal drama, or anything else while I'm there..

Breastfeeding Manifesto

I refuse to feed my baby food that is not the best I can give her.

I refuse to sacrifice a good latch and my baby's comfort by putting a blanket over her head (it's hard enough without one!).

I refuse to succumb to society's artificial oversexualization of breasts.

I refuse to become a hermit to make other people comfortable.

I refuse to make my child wait to eat, therefor upsetting her more and making it harder to feed her when I am able.

I refuse to spend hours in public restrooms being ashamed of how I feed my child (would you want to eat in there?).

I refuse to supplement because I know that I can make enough to feed my baby no matter what some ridiculous growth chart says (the doctor was using the old growth charts that include formula-fed babies instead of the WHO breastfeeding charts).

I refuse to listen to uneducated beliefs about breastfeeding, breastmilk, formula, and other baby-raising decisions.

I refuse to be scared away from doing the things I love and seeing the people I love because someone might get uncomfortable.

I refuse to think that people who love me are going to change their opinion because of my parenting decisions.

Here are some great breastfeeding related links:
Authentic Parenting: Breastfeeding Curtesy
Authentic Parenting: Lamest Reasons Not To Breastfeed
Authentic Parenting: Ignorance is Bliss - Silence is Golden!
How To Hide A Tank: Breast is Best, Revisited

Facebook Frustration

I'm frustrated. I'm so frustrated, I'm finding it hard to think. I tried giving this a couple days before talking about it, but it doesn't seem to be helping.

I'm a pretty opinionated person. That said, I take pride in researching and formulating coherent, rational arguments. Unfortunately, I also expect other people to do the same, and get quite frustrated when they fail to do so.

Recently an acquaintance has begun telling me about how she thinks public breastfeeding is 'disgusting'. I believe quite the opposite and will readily breastfeed in public whenever my baby is hungry without a second thought. She told me that she bottle feeds when in public and that people who insist on breastfeeding should put a blanket over them.

Now, I know how I can get when people say things that are both against medical studies (using formula depletes breast milk supply) and are formulated on personal opinions but are not presented that way (like saying that something is disgusting instead of saying that they think it's disgusting). In an effort to curb my quickly growing fury, I put a stop to the conversation. Still, I find that I'm incredibly upset by this.

I deal well with random people's disdain for public breastfeeding. I even deal well with the discomfort some family members have with it. But for some reason, this acquaintance really threw me off. Usually I'm outspoken in support and quick to write off someone who persists in disagreement.

My breastfeeding manifesto-of-sorts is coming up soon.

unsolicited advice

I've heard unsolicited advice and comments throughout my pregnancy, and I really wish I had kept better records of all the silly comments. So, in light of that, I'm going to be keeping track here of the stupid comments I get from people when I have River.

(I'm not going to write about every pervy look I get while I'm breast feeding in public, that would take too long, but suffice it to say, there are MANY!)

The other day I was in Jewel with a couple friends. We decided to take a walk to the grocery store to pick up a couple ingredients that I needed to make dinner. We were outside in the heat (about 90 degrees) for a good 15 minutes there and 15 minutes back, and must have spent about 5 minutes in the store total. River was just in a diaper and in my sling. At one point during the walk, she started getting fussy in the sling, so I took her out to avoid her overheating. We were in Jewel, standing in the produce department, I was breastfeeding River. An old lady with some indistinguishable accent walked up to us and started lecturing me. She told me that my baby was cold, was going to get pneumonia, etc... at one point, after realizing exactly what was going on (this was my first public lecture) I turned to her, called her a rude old lady, and kept shopping. She said that she had never seen anybody do that with a baby, and walked away. I saw her a couple other times while we were still in the store, she would shoot me these evil glares and then keep walking. Unfortunately the two friends I was with didn't know what was going on until to told them later, otherwise I think they would have stood up for me.

Another day I was sitting in my car reading while River sat on my lap. J and his friend were in a magic store getting some more tricks for him to use at work. I had gotten tired of standing and really wanted to get a little further in my book, and with the nice breeze outside, I didn't mind sitting and waiting. After a little while a car parked in the space next to me, and out came an older lady, a younger lady, and two kids. The older lady, after noticing me in the car, proceeded to beckon over one of the little girls and told her to look at my 'baby boy'. I don't mind gender mix-ups as River is usually dressed pretty gender neutral. Eventually while they asked questions and I answered with a fake smile plastered on my face like a good little mommy, I slipped in that River is a girl. The old lady then asked why she was wearing shorts and "where is her little dressie?" I was amazed, and she was serious. I snapped back (at this point I was annoyed that she was sticking her head in my car and interrupting my reading) that the women's liberation movement happened a while back and that I was a big fan. She stormed away in a huff and actually scolded me, saying "well, I Never!"

The most recent occurance happened yesterday and to my friend Tom instead of me. Tom, his girlfriend, and I were in a Teavana picking out some tea and other products. Tom was at the counter at one point when a middle-aged man walked up to him and started talking to him about 'his wife and child'. Tom politely corrected him, that I was not his wife. After some insisting that I was, and then finally realizing that I wasn't, he gave him a really confused look and said 'then you'd better get a lawyer!" Yup. Because how dare a married woman with a baby be friends with a guy!

Anyone else have experience with unsolicited advice or comments? I know I had a ton when I was pregnant (usually about how high or low I was carrying and how it must be a boy or a girl). Lately it seems like i'm getting more judgemental looks than comments, but I still get a few really golden ones -sarcasm-

The Dreaded Baby Shower :-)

I haven't posted in a while, mostly out of sheer insane busyness.

The 10th was the dreaded baby shower. I have to admit that it went surprisingly well! We did the onesie decorating activity that was featured on OffbeatMama.com and everyone loved it. I didn't get too much that was obnoxious and pink, just a few things.

One problem I had was with what appeared to be critiques of my parenting style. I've been practicing attachment parenting and on-demand feeding. This basically means that River is on me all the time and she's usually got a boob in her mouth. Unfortunately, the only time these parenting styles seem to be an issue instead of an amazing thing is when I'm around family. They all want to hold River all the time! I'm sorry, but when River is asking for food, telling me she's hungry, I'd rather get her the food she wants before she starts crying instead of waiting until she's too worked up to suck properly. When River is asleep and using my boob as a pacifier, I'm not about to break that and wake her up. I got a lot of comments from people who were amazed about how much I let her nurse and how attached she is to me. It might have been paranoia, but it really felt like everyone was critiquing my parenting decisions. At one point I even had to tell someone that my parenting decisions are not up for discussion.

Otherwise things went really well! J's family mostly stayed separate from mine except during the decorating activity, but I've learned to accept that as probably being for the best. I forgot my camera, so I spent the day without a lens in front of my face, again probably for the best. And River even slept through most of it!

I did get a surprisingly long period of time without River attached to me, for the first time since she was born! My grandmother (aka: Momo) has some serious baby super-powers! The second she holds River, River is passed out on her shoulder! I couldn't believe it! I tried to take major advantage of the time but kept finding myself going back to check on River and make sure she really was ok.

Well, sorry I don't have any pictures! I'll take pics of the onesies when I get them back from my mom.

The flu is not fun.

Had a pretty bad day today. Got the flu or something similar... basically body aches, headache, nausea, shakes, and feeling like I was freezing! Even ended up with a fever (at least for me, I'm usually in the 96F range, I was in the 99's the one time I checked).

Worst part was that my boobs were in TONS of pain! Somehow it seemed like the  body aches were amplified in my breasts. Made it hard not only to feed the baby, but to even so much as move from the bed!

I felt bad that J had to cancel all the plans that he had for the day (not just hanging-out type plans, but actually productive plans). He's been great about taking care of me, but he ended up losing the last day off he had for a little bit. Still, J is an amazing father! He took care of River and me all day.

I haven't really left the bed or gone downstairs at all today, we've just been laying in bed and watching Netflix (we just got it, and are still in our 2-week trail! it's been awesome since I've been spending so much time at home and the streaming video on xbox makes it worth the price). Right now he's even playing Left 4 Dead 2 with the volume super low.

At this point I'm just hoping that River doesn't catch this from me. Usually I'm a research maniac, but not so much when I'm sick. Does anyone know about getting sick while breastfeeding? From what I remember, I think it's better to continue breastfeeding and being close so that they'll get the antibodies. But I'm not sure.

A day late fathers day post

Thanks to all the hustle and bustle yesterday, I wasn't able to make a fathers day post, and I really do want to share the awesomeness that is my husband and the father of my baby girl. Unfortunately, this isn't really that post.

The night before was another hard night for me. I had taken some benadryl before bed, so I was ridiculously groggy. River had woken up some time in the early morning hours, was having trouble latching on, and was getting quite fussy. Since I wasn't really able to wake up fully, I don't remember much of this, but apparently I was refusing to let J help with anything, saying that it was fathers day so he should get a full night of sleep. Eventually, with me crying, I let him change her diaper and help get us into bed. After that, River still would not latch or stop fussing, and I, in my Benadryl-induced stupor, kept getting more and more frustrated. I guess some craziness happened after that on my part (mostly half-asleep ramblings and a strange inability to differentiate sleep from wakefulness (according to J)).

One part that I do remember from that long night was J telling me that I shouldn't make a big deal about fathers day because he didn't even really feel like a dad. I know he's having a hard time right now because he's not able to feed the baby and she spends SO MUCH time eating! I know he feels helpless when she starts to get fussy and it's only mommy's boobs that can sooth her.

So, later in the day, I made a card for him with River's help (ok, I used traced her hand), and on the inside I wrote:

To the best baby daddy and kitty daddy,


I know you say you don't feel like much of a father yet,


But it's just because you are such a natural.


Love you so much,


Cheryl and River.

Unfortunately, J had to work through his first fathers day and I ended up going to my family's fathers day dinner with River. I was sad to spend the day separate.

Today is Gaming Day (basically, every monday, we have a group of friends over and play Warhammer, D&D, or WoW, though I haven't been playing much lately). He's downstairs with a big group of people while I am upstairs with little River who I am convinced is having a growth spurt because she WON'T STOP EATING! She starts fussing whenever she isn't attached.

This is a picture J took of River and me while we were napping on the couch. I love it.

Today and Some Observations

Just got back from the Highland Games! had an amazing time with some good friends. River and I are back home now, chilling in the amazing air conditioning, and EXHAUSTED! It was really hot and sunny out today, so I'm downing water while she nurses. I had meant to bring a camera to the games, but with everything else I've been carrying around it just got left behind.

I used my new sling for the first time. We decided to go with a Maya Sling from Cutie Poops and Bottoms because it seemed to be the most versatile and provide the best support for a newborn while being in the lower price range (I won't say cheap, because no baby carrier seems to be cheap!)

I've decided that my bobbies are my super power! No matter where I am, I have easy access to the best thing to feed my baby. They're also a great way to bond with her and sooth her. I never have to fully wake up to feed her at night (unless she's being a fuss-butt). And I don't have to carry around any bottles, formula, water, etc...

I decided that this post needed a picture, and I've found this breastfeeding picture beautiful for a while now :-)

Tomorrow River and I will be driving up to my parents' house, and then on to my grandparents' for fathers day ^.^ it'll be the first time introducing River to my extended family. Unfortunately, like today, J is pulling a double tomorrow... so that kinda sucks.

Well, I have a snoring baby asleep on my boob. Life is good.

To make this post interesting I have inserted River pics between every paragraph ^.^

Haven't really posted here in a while, mostly because there's nothing much to post about. I haven't left the house unnecessarily yet, only leaving for midwife and pediatrician appointments, so not much has happened. After the appointment we'll usually try to hit up somewhere for lunch and then the grocery store, but that's still too much for me..

Here's a pic of River and me in the hospital:

Otherwise, my mother has been over a few times, plus some close friends, but mostly I prefer to be by myself with the baby and the hubby.

Here's a pic of my mom and River:

I'm still sore, swollen, bleeding, and head-achy. Any time I do go anywhere I end up exhausted.There were two times that I had to call an early end to the errands we were trying to run after an appointment. It happens though, and I've been assured that everything I'm feeling is totally normal (doesn't make it hurt less though).

Here's a picture of J and River, he's a FANTASTIC DADDY!!!

I've been keeping a close eye on my mood since delivery. I had a lot of the indicators that I was more likely to get postpartum depression, but so far I seem to have been pretty lucky. I've had a couple crying jags, mostly related to frustration though (they were both when River was upset and I was exhausted), so those were pretty normal. Otherwise I just get a little overly sad when J has to go to work for a long day (like today). I think I've gotten off easy so far, especially compared to the antepartum depression I had earlier.

J and I have both gotten really good at using the computer while River is on us (she's a cuddly baby who tends to fuss whenever she's not being held). Here he is playing WoW:

I've gotten to the point though, where I don't think it's healthy to be sitting around at home and alone so much. I want to start showing River the world so that, at least when she's old enough to really absorb things, she'll be used to going out and experiencing everything. So.. tomorrow I'm planning on taking her to the Illinois Highland Games and Scottish Festival, and then sunday I'll be taking her to my family's Father's Day get-together. The really big thing here: I'll be doing these thing ON MY OWN. J is working an extremely hard 'week' (his week is most people's weekend since he works in entertainment).

Here's a picture of River in the hospital:

Since I have more pictures to share, I'm just going to make random statements to go between them :-)

Here's another picture of her in the hospital.. she's all pensive looking, and you can see the scratch she gave herself while the nurses were weighing her :-/

River looooves Kangaroo Care! She's a sucker for being nakey on someone's chest! (unfortunately the article I linked to associates Kangaroo Care with premature infants primarily and misses out on the benefits for babies who are at term.. but I'm too lazy to look for another article right now)


Here's a picture of River the day that we got her home. She's laying on one of the blankets I crocheted for her. Since she was still all flail-y we had to put mitties on her.

We couldn't believe how beautiful River was right when she was born! She looked just like a little baby! We had been bracing ourselves for some hideous monster-baby; all purple and covered in cottage cheesy-nasties. Instead she was pink, clean, breathed right away, gave a little cry to let us know she was ok, then snuggled up to me.

Here's another pic of her right after we got her home:

I'm out of random things to say, so here are some more pics:

Here are her chubby cheekies, I eat them for breakfast!!

Here she is in the Thirsties diaper we bought from an awesome local store called Cutie Poops and Bottoms! The owner was awesome and even gave us demonstrations of all the different cloth diaper options. We'll definitely be going back there! Seriously, if you live in the Chicago area check out this place! and if you don't, you can still order from them online!! Unfortunately we have her in 'sposies right now because the adjustable Thirsties covers we bought seem to be a bit large for her and she springs leaks out the sides. As soon as she gets a little bigger we'll be cloth diapering!!

Oh, and because it is awesome and I'm very proud of myself: here's a pic of breastfeeding! I HAVE MAGIC BOOBIES! You can't really see it in this picture, but I have some issues breastfeeding. This might be over sharing, but I think this is an issue that should be talked about more and people shouldn't feel alone. I have relatively small, flat nipples. River had a VERY HARD time latching on and still does. One of the night nurses at the hospital was particularly amazing! I mentioned momentarily that I was having a hard time getting her to latch, and she was instantly there with a ton of little toys to help. She was very pro-breastfeeding and wanted to make sure that I had everything I needed to be successful. The toy that worked: a nipple shield! It looks a bit like the nipple on a bottle, it fits over my areola and nipple and gives her something to latch onto. The only downside is that she doesn't seem to recognize my actual nipples any more, and only nurses with the shield on which can be a little awkward to juggle in public. It's a small price to pay for being able to feed my baby what's best for her!

I have to say that I'm a little disappointed with our pediatrician. The two times we've seen her she's made it a point to tell me that "it's really ok to supplement with formula." I've told her how I feel about supplementing and that it's really unnecessary as I don't mind breastfeeding and it's going well. The pediatrician in J's childhood doctor though, and the doctor for the rest of his immediate family, so he's willing to let some of her opinions slide. Since I just met her, I'm a little less at ease...

Anyways, that turned into a rant, so here's the picture:

BHaG is anti-breastfeeding.

Generally speaking, I'm for breastfeeding. I respect every mother's right to choose what is best for her and her child, even if that's not breastfeeding, but MY intention is to breastfeed exclusively for 6 months, and almost exclusively for another 6 months after that. That said, no matter what your personal decision is regarding breastfeeding, I think that most women (especially mothers) can agree that a woman should never be pressured to NOT breastfeed. In fact, I think that women should be encouraged and breastfeeding should be as comfortable as giving a kid a bottle.

In Illinois (as in most U.S. states and on federal property) a woman has the right to breastfeed anywhere that she is allowed to be. Still, some businesses are not aware of this, and try to get breastfeeding women to leave or stop breastfeeding. Unsupportive public opinions can make the difference between successful breastfeeding and a mother deciding to switch to a bottle.

I recently came across this article from Better Homes and Gardens Magazine: The 10 Commandments of Dining with Little Kids. In it, the author says:

THOU SHALT NOT BREAST FEED AT THE TABLE
Yes, I have seen table-side breast feeding at a four-star restaurant. If at all possible, take it to the ladies room. (Note: most upscale restaurants have really nice restrooms!)

What amazes and scares me is not only that this article was written by a woman, but that she claims not to be 'anti-kid'. I have more than a few issues with this:

• Yes, a bathroom might be very nice, but no one wants to eat in one, and I think there are very few people who would want to spend up to 30 minutes of their meal out sitting in a bathroom.
• Handicap stalls are for people with disabilities, not for breastfeeding mothers. 
• Who wants to wait in line for the bathroom while a mother breastfeeds, especially if there are not multiple stalls.
• She also includes the 'commandment' "THOU SHALL TRY TO QUELL HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING". I don't know if anyone has noticed, but a hungry baby tends to be a loud baby. 
• Most mothers who breastfeed show surprisingly little to no boob.
• You don't have to look, in fact, it's rude to stare. 
• Society has created this insane oversexualization of breasts and has turned them into a taboo. Exposure to breasts being used for sustenance should be encouraged, not exposure to breasts as a way to use sexuality to sell products.
• Eating as a family is a positive experience and should be started as young as possible. Eating while breastfeeding is also a great way for the mother to make sure that she is getting the nutrition necessary to continue breastfeeding. 
• The author is definitely anti-kid if she does not support breastfeeding. Breastfeeding has been shown over and over to provide the best nutrients for a child and lowers the rates of SIDs. 

Yes, I'm using this article as a sort of sacrificial lamb, but if people are not called out when they do not support breastfeeding, no change is going to be made. We should not isolate mothers, we should not discourage breastfeeding. End of story.