Sometimes, It Does Happen

In stark contrast to the facebook conversation that I blogged about before, over the weekend I was actually thanked/congratulated for breastfeeding in public.

I'm a big Bristol Renaissance Faire patron. I've worked there in the past, but took time off since my due date was so close to performance rehearsals and faire opening. (honestly, I probably could have worked in a shop with River, but I had no idea how easy of a baby she would be!) I know a bunch of people there, and there are not many other places that I feel so at home.

Anyways, I've only made it to faire a handful of times this year because of issues with rides, laziness, money, or whatever else. The times that I have gone, I've been met mostly with positivity from people I know when they see me breastfeeding. The people I don't know are not always so positive.

This past weekend, on sunday, J and I made the trip up there with some kids from his work. It was mostly work, he was showing them the costuming and performing that people at faire do and looking to network with some shops to buy product from them. It was in one shop, after feeling particularly icked by an old man with eye-contact issues, that the shop artist complimented me for breastfeeding in public.

She is an awesome mother and artist who creates all the product for Grichels (Check out their Etsy page!). I've always been a big fan of the art she creates out of leather (I know, I'm a hypocritical vegetarian). I had also never had a complete stranger react so positively to my breastfeeding in public (I've had either ambiguous reactions or negative ones to varying degrees). It was great for someone to tell me that they breastfed their children, how hard it is to breastfeed in public, and how necessary it is to see it so that people know it's normal.


In other news; it looks like I'll be taking a quick trip to West Virginia soon.. It seems that they do not have any laws protecting breastfeeding on their books.. Does anyone know if West Virginia in general is hostile to breastfeeding or just ambivalent? I'd really rather not be arrested for public indecency, have to deal with any legal drama, or anything else while I'm there..

Breastfeeding Manifesto

I refuse to feed my baby food that is not the best I can give her.

I refuse to sacrifice a good latch and my baby's comfort by putting a blanket over her head (it's hard enough without one!).

I refuse to succumb to society's artificial oversexualization of breasts.

I refuse to become a hermit to make other people comfortable.

I refuse to make my child wait to eat, therefor upsetting her more and making it harder to feed her when I am able.

I refuse to spend hours in public restrooms being ashamed of how I feed my child (would you want to eat in there?).

I refuse to supplement because I know that I can make enough to feed my baby no matter what some ridiculous growth chart says (the doctor was using the old growth charts that include formula-fed babies instead of the WHO breastfeeding charts).

I refuse to listen to uneducated beliefs about breastfeeding, breastmilk, formula, and other baby-raising decisions.

I refuse to be scared away from doing the things I love and seeing the people I love because someone might get uncomfortable.

I refuse to think that people who love me are going to change their opinion because of my parenting decisions.

Here are some great breastfeeding related links:
Authentic Parenting: Breastfeeding Curtesy
Authentic Parenting: Lamest Reasons Not To Breastfeed
Authentic Parenting: Ignorance is Bliss - Silence is Golden!
How To Hide A Tank: Breast is Best, Revisited

Facebook Frustration

I'm frustrated. I'm so frustrated, I'm finding it hard to think. I tried giving this a couple days before talking about it, but it doesn't seem to be helping.

I'm a pretty opinionated person. That said, I take pride in researching and formulating coherent, rational arguments. Unfortunately, I also expect other people to do the same, and get quite frustrated when they fail to do so.

Recently an acquaintance has begun telling me about how she thinks public breastfeeding is 'disgusting'. I believe quite the opposite and will readily breastfeed in public whenever my baby is hungry without a second thought. She told me that she bottle feeds when in public and that people who insist on breastfeeding should put a blanket over them.

Now, I know how I can get when people say things that are both against medical studies (using formula depletes breast milk supply) and are formulated on personal opinions but are not presented that way (like saying that something is disgusting instead of saying that they think it's disgusting). In an effort to curb my quickly growing fury, I put a stop to the conversation. Still, I find that I'm incredibly upset by this.

I deal well with random people's disdain for public breastfeeding. I even deal well with the discomfort some family members have with it. But for some reason, this acquaintance really threw me off. Usually I'm outspoken in support and quick to write off someone who persists in disagreement.

My breastfeeding manifesto-of-sorts is coming up soon.

Handmade children's products: Illegal.

Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act (or the CPSIA) is a piece of legislation that was originally intended to make large, multinational corporations liable for the safety of the toys they produce. It created a list of dangerous ingredients that were not to be allowed in children's products and held the manufacturer responsible by making them test the products. Sounds great, right? Honestly, as it was intended, it is.

Unfortunately it is extremely difficult to make mandates on large businesses that small businesses are not forced to follow as well. Where there is a loop hole, large business will find and exploit them. So, while huge corporations will not have an issue paying the thousands of dollars it takes to test a product, small-batch producers will be left in the dust. The legislation is, effectively putting small producers out of business.

I have been making simple children's toys out of recycled plastic felt for a little while now. I've mostly sold them to a friend of mine who is a doula and runs childbirth classes. I've been intending to start an Etsy shop, but wanted to wait until this legislation is figured out. Although all of the parts used in the production of my felties, I would be forced to pay thousands of dollars to test each product. Change the shape of one, or the color of another, pay another few thousand dollars to retest everything. Yup, that's how comprehensive this legislation mandates the testing to be. Keep in mind that every product sold at a store like JoAnn Fabrics or Michaels has already been tested, but because I have repackaged that product, I am forced to retest everything individually and as a finished product.

While this comprehensive testing is great for customers of companies that put out cheap plastic toys that are made using tons of chemicals and small parts, this is murder for anyone that buys products from retailers who make their products by hand in small batches. This doesn't only effect the seller, this effects the people who want to be able to buy locally produced or hand made products. This applies to anything that any child under 12 might use, including toys, clothes, slings, etc. Even thrift stores would be forced to comply with this legislation, which they have no means of doing! This means that the market will only contain products made by these large corporations.

This legislation was already passed in 2008. Currently most small businesses that create products for children are choosing to break the law in order to keep their livelihood and keep doing what they love. They are working to contact legislators and have some exemptions added to the legislation that will allow them to keep creating their amazing products.

HERE is etsy.com's story on The Handmade Toy Alliance, an organization that is working to support small handcrafting businesses

Please, keep supporting small businesses, keep buying from individuals, we need it now more than ever.
Check out www.handmadetoyalliance.org and contact your legislators!

Why aren't there more midwife-type practitioners?

I think going through a midwife for my pregnancy was one of the best choices I ever made. I don't think I could have had anything close to my positive experience if I had chosen another type of health care provider. That said, I'm frustrated now. I'm frustrated that there aren't more professionals using the midwife philosophies in their practices. I'm so glad that I can keep going to my midwife group for my regular gynecological appointments, but I wish they could do more.

Much like pregnancy, I feel that the point of early pediatric appointments are to stand out of the way of the child's development and just monitor it to make sure that there are no issues. How does going to a medically trained pediatrician differ from going to an obstetrician for pregnancy?

I feel like the doctor, more often than not, is looking for something to be wrong. I feel like they can often let their own judgments get in the way of their practice. Every visit to my child's pediatrician has included her telling me that it's ok to use formula instead of breastfeeding even though I have told her my opinions and cited research that contradicts her. I have been less than honest with her about our decisions to cosleep and breastfeed on demand because I'm afraid that she will think less of my parenting (how stupid is that).

Recently the World Health Organization published a new set of size charts for babies who are specifically breastfed. My pediatrician, at our one week appointment, insisted that we bring River in for a two week appointment because she had decided that River wasn't gaining enough weight. She decided this based on her chart that was developed including formula fed babies, even though formula fed babies typically gain more weight and are more likely to be obese. I think I might have to print out these newer charts and bring them in.

I really shouldn't feel that I need to educate my child's pediatrician.

You might be asking why I'm not going to another pediatrician that shares my views about raising children and stays more up-to-date on research.. well, there's a couple reasons: (1) those pediatricians don't seem to exist in my area, or if they do, I can't seem to find them. (2) The doctor that we're seeing was my hubby's doctor when he was younger, and he has some attachment to the idea of River seeing her.

I have given in to seeing this doctor in particular because I feel that I am well-researched enough to counter her opinions with well-researched fact, but I worry about mothers who don't do their own research and follow everything that the doctor says.

Back to the original topic of this post: I don't see why there can't be a practitioner that functions more like a midwife. This would include a weigh-in, some simple measurements, maybe some occasional testing, but mostly just a check-in. This would include talking to me like I'm an adult who might have some knowledge or at least know how to read instead of like a child who would be hopeless without the doctor's guidance. This would include getting to know us as a family instead of just River's statistics in her file. This would include telling us about a procedure, vaccine, or concern instead of just telling us what the doctor recommends. Why can't we have more medical practitioners like that?

BHaG article update

VICTORY! BHaG apologist for their article where they condemned breastfeeding in restaurants and deleted that section from the article! All the negative feedback that BHaG received after the article was published really made a difference! We need to keep working to make sure that breastfeeding mothers are comfortable no matter where they go.

Here's the apology in their own words:

Editor's note: We apologize for the patently inappropriate sections, which we have removed from the post. We support breastfeeding moms -- and all moms -- in their desire to include their children in their public lives. We pledge to do better in the future in both the tone and content of our posts. We will be posting our positive parenting tips for eating out soon.

and here is a link to the new article and the apology:
The 9 Commandments Of Dining With Little Kids

BHaG is anti-breastfeeding.

Generally speaking, I'm for breastfeeding. I respect every mother's right to choose what is best for her and her child, even if that's not breastfeeding, but MY intention is to breastfeed exclusively for 6 months, and almost exclusively for another 6 months after that. That said, no matter what your personal decision is regarding breastfeeding, I think that most women (especially mothers) can agree that a woman should never be pressured to NOT breastfeed. In fact, I think that women should be encouraged and breastfeeding should be as comfortable as giving a kid a bottle.

In Illinois (as in most U.S. states and on federal property) a woman has the right to breastfeed anywhere that she is allowed to be. Still, some businesses are not aware of this, and try to get breastfeeding women to leave or stop breastfeeding. Unsupportive public opinions can make the difference between successful breastfeeding and a mother deciding to switch to a bottle.

I recently came across this article from Better Homes and Gardens Magazine: The 10 Commandments of Dining with Little Kids. In it, the author says:

THOU SHALT NOT BREAST FEED AT THE TABLE
Yes, I have seen table-side breast feeding at a four-star restaurant. If at all possible, take it to the ladies room. (Note: most upscale restaurants have really nice restrooms!)

What amazes and scares me is not only that this article was written by a woman, but that she claims not to be 'anti-kid'. I have more than a few issues with this:

• Yes, a bathroom might be very nice, but no one wants to eat in one, and I think there are very few people who would want to spend up to 30 minutes of their meal out sitting in a bathroom.
• Handicap stalls are for people with disabilities, not for breastfeeding mothers. 
• Who wants to wait in line for the bathroom while a mother breastfeeds, especially if there are not multiple stalls.
• She also includes the 'commandment' "THOU SHALL TRY TO QUELL HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING". I don't know if anyone has noticed, but a hungry baby tends to be a loud baby. 
• Most mothers who breastfeed show surprisingly little to no boob.
• You don't have to look, in fact, it's rude to stare. 
• Society has created this insane oversexualization of breasts and has turned them into a taboo. Exposure to breasts being used for sustenance should be encouraged, not exposure to breasts as a way to use sexuality to sell products.
• Eating as a family is a positive experience and should be started as young as possible. Eating while breastfeeding is also a great way for the mother to make sure that she is getting the nutrition necessary to continue breastfeeding. 
• The author is definitely anti-kid if she does not support breastfeeding. Breastfeeding has been shown over and over to provide the best nutrients for a child and lowers the rates of SIDs. 

Yes, I'm using this article as a sort of sacrificial lamb, but if people are not called out when they do not support breastfeeding, no change is going to be made. We should not isolate mothers, we should not discourage breastfeeding. End of story.

Feminism vs Faminism??? WTF?

Just came across a horrible article in The New York Observer: Faminist Theory.

The article creates a completely bogus divide between  feminists and any woman who has a family. It ignores the fact that feminism is just as much about the right to not have children and a family, as it is about being able TO have children and a family.

"The feminist battleground, with its slogans, marches, and campaigns for reproductive rights, has given way to the playground and the fight for lactation rights, stroller rights, school-system rights, unpasteurized milk rights, charter schools, birthing techniques, nutritional value of bagged lunches and water quality. It is not so much about the Fem as it is about the Fam."

This quote probably angers me the most. It is basically arguing that all of these things, because they are not about postponing childbirth, are not feminist issues. The article is completely misleading! Lactation rights, birthing techniques, VBAC's, etc. are all FEMINIST ISSUES! The right to HAVE children is just as much a reproductive right as the right NOT TO. Feminists fought for years against involuntary sterilizations (there was a huge epidemic of unconsented sterilizations of poor and colored women that went on for years) and eugenics, and continue to fight for rights to all the previously listed causes as well as rights to paid maternity leave, health care that covers reproductive rights, etc.

No man has to worry about whether or not he will be able to breastfeed in public, have the natural or unnatural birth that he wants, or be forced into yet another cesarean. Some amazing feminist men fight for these rights, but it is mostly is female feminists who fight for these causes, and the fights are most commonly against men. Just because someone's personal priorities change from career to family does not mean that they stop being feminists.

“Women are defining themselves more by their families than they are by themselves,” said Pamela Paul, a 39-year-old mother of three in Harlem and author of Parenting Inc. “It’s no longer about something as selfish and self-advancing as abortion or the pill.”

I strongly resent the idea that since people do not openly talk about abortion rights, we are somehow past the need to fight for them. I don't know about other mothers out there, but my pregnancy experience has made me MORE supportive of reproductive rights! I would not wish the past 9 months on anyone who didn't choose it for themselves. It's also my opinion that if someone doesn't support abortions, it's easy enough not to get one. Instead of forcing our beliefs on other people, we should be content with making our own decisions based on our own beliefs.

I also resent the idea that fighting for access to abortions or the pill is somehow selfish. I think that waiting until you are physically, emotionally, and financially prepared to have children is beyond unselfish. I think that making sure that your child can grow up with everything they need is incredibly important. They ignore the fact that most abortions are received by women who already have children. They ignore the fact that many of these women who are choosing to have families now once used the pill and made a conscious decision to have children, which in my mind makes them all the more special.

As a supposed 'reference' to this change from feminism to faminism, they have a slideshow of '9 Women Who Prefer Prams to Politics'. Instead of including any meaningful images that might have strengthened their weak arguments, they included pictures of 9 random celebrity mothers toting around their children. The worst part was that they even included pictures of celebrity mothers who CONTINUE to work on global politics beyond reproductive justice and family rights. They imply that, by having a family, these women have given up fighting for any other causes. It's incredibly demeaning to limit a woman's identity to only that of a mother. I'm sorry, I'll be a mother, I'll be a mother first and foremost, but I'll still be a feminist, hippie, vegetarian, liberal woman.

The article talks a lot about the younger age that women are deciding to begin their families. They completely ignore larger socioeconomic reasons that more women are having children now. The fact is that it is harder and harder for both partners in a relationship to be employed, and that it makes sense to take time where you would not otherwise be able to work and to have children. I know this played into our decision to have a child. Since I was unable to find employment since graduating anyways, and since my husband was able to support us (though just barely), we made the decision to take this time to start a family. 

This last quote is the most ridiculous, rude, presumptuous part of the article:

"In Ms. Jong’s time, women were protesting compulsory motherhood; now, it seems, they are not protesting anything at all—they are too busy mopping up crumbs."

 I said it earlier, and I'll say it again, just because a woman is a mother does not mean that she stops being anything else.

To make such false divides in a movement is nothing short of an attempt at sabotage.  It's pitting two groups against each other in an attempt to create a weaker movement overall.

I'm making a vow now, especially in light of this recent article, to attend as many rallies, protests, demonstrations, etc. with my daughter in tow. Not just to show people that women with children do still care, but to show my daughter that it is possible to make real change and that political involvement extremely important.

I hope my child will be like Will Phillips

First, some background: Will Phillips refused to stand and recite the Pledge of Allegiance in his class after examining the words of the pledge and realizing that not everyone has the same rights to liberty and justice. After four days of refusing to say the pledge, and being repeatedly harassed by his substitute teacher regarding his refusal, Will Phillips... broke. He told his substitute teacher that she could 'go jump off a bridge'. Probably not the best choice, but he continued to stand up for himself and his right to sit during the pledge.

Recently, Will Phillips was honored at the GLAAD media awards, here is his acceptance speech:


now, i don't necessarily want my child to be exactly like him, but that my child will be able to stand up for herself and others, even against authority figures. I also am amazed by the awesomeness that is his parents! They are incredibly supportive of his actions and are letting him have his own voice and opinions at such a young age. Not only did he formulate these opinions on his own, but he is incredibly bright and articulate when talking about them. He has a great mixture of intelectual speech and age-appropriate joking in his acceptance.

Before I get a little off topic, here is the original CNN story about Will Phillips:


I think it should be noted that this is a pretty big difference from my normal opinion about children in political situations. I find that children in political spotlights are often just parroting or mimicking the opinions of their parents. Even worse than that, some adults go so far as to speak for children, like in this video:


Yes, I'll admit that this child was probably heavily influenced by his parents' political opinions, but in no way are they directing him, and the father even admits to having been upset at his son's behavior in school before learning about the reasoning behind his actions.

I should stop here, I'm just glad to see that some children's voices are being heard and that there are still examples of good parenting out there.

Sign Language

When I was younger, my aunt taught middle school special education at a school that put their deaf children in special ed. She was angry, furious actually. She ended up developing a separate curriculum for those students, making sure that they were treated just like any other student in the school would have been, and started teaching me sign language. I would visit her classes as a 4-year-old and sign with the deaf children, and according to my aunt, they looooved me :-)

Anyways, years later my aunt was dying of cancer and in the hospital more often than not. She would often have feeding tubes or other implimements that made talking impossible or just too painful. I would sit in her room with her, and she would sign with me, telling me what she needed and relaying messages through me to her doctors and nurses. It was incredibly painful to watch this strong woman who had taught special ed and advocated for HIV patients' rights go through so much hardship, but I was always glad to be helpful.

My aunt's hebrew name was Alitza. My daughter's middle name will be Alitza.

Since Laura's passing I haven't had anyone to speak with in sign, so lately I've started teaching my husband sign language. He already knew a couple signs, like hungry, so that I didn't have to interrupt his conversations. Now we're working on the alphabet and key terms. 

From the day our baby is born, we plan on speaking to her in sign language as well as in spoken language.

Yes, I've heard of the baby sign fad that's going around right now, and as much as I'm all for it, I find that most parents stop signing as soon as the baby can speak, and the skills are quickly lost. Continuing to sign is not only great for hearing children (it functions like a second language and it increases spelling ability by including a movement with letters) but it is great for the deaf community.

Also, if we decide to have more chldren, J and I are planning on adopting deaf children. Deaf children are more likely to be put up for adoption, languish in the foster system, or be abused by hearing parents, relatives, and strangers. Deaf children also typically suffer because of the common misconception that they have learning disabilities or just can't learn as well. I hope to help change this, at least for one child.

There is a pilot for a new show that was recently posted on youtube. The show would focus on families where the parents are disabled in some way. Their intention is to show that people with disabilities can be great parents and that the common misconceptions are completely false. The pilot features a deaf family of 6, where the parents and two of the children are deaf, and two of the children can hear. Here's the video. It made me cry a little.