Monday, March 07, 2011

Going Back To Work

Thanks to the uber-fun divorce (the meat of which is fodder for another post at another time), it has become apparent that I need to get a job.

After the initial move-out, my ex agreed to provide River and myself with a pretty decent bit of child-support/spousal-support.. which is enough to cover food and gas (and not much else). While this is great, if I felt I could expect any sort of lasting commitment from my ex, even regarding money, and I was planning on living with my parents until River was 18, but that's not the case.

When I was a teenager, it became apparent that living with my parents was NOT a good environment for me. I chafed at their restrictions and intrusiveness, and things have not changed. My parents and I get along fine when I'm not living with them, but for some reason we just all need to have our say about everything, and that just doesn't work well for a living situation.

The original plan was to supplement the child/spousal support by selling things on but after a few posts on there and a couple months of waiting nothing sold. I've tried advertising my etsy on other sites and even sending all my products to a convention with a friend to be sold there. Well... One thing sold... For $7. Not exactly income, and after buying business cards and supplies, it doesn't even start to cover expenses. So, I guess I'm done crafting.


It's on to the world of a working, single mother.

The biggest hurdle I see is what to do with River while I'm working. I looked into child-care options in my area that fit with my parenting philosophies, and they cost more per month than I would pay for rent! Way more than I can afford. My parents, while helpful when it's convenient for them, are not willing to give up their activities (my mother sews in guilds and such) on days that I would need them to watch River. The ex is less than helpful (his work schedule is erratic, he have a living situation that can accommodate a baby, and I just plain don't trust him with our daughter).

It's hard enough to find a job right now, without having scheduling issues that need to be worked around.

So far I've applied at a tea store that I've worked for before and I'm hoping would want to hire me enough to deal with my crazy schedule, and at the library for a really limited hour shelving position. I'm also forwarding my resume to a friend who might be able to get me a paid internship at U of C and would share childcare duties with me (which would be AWESOME!).


While writing this whole post I managed to ignore the extreme anxiety I feel about leaving River to get a job. It keeps me up at night. Just last night I managed to leave River with my mother for an HOUR to get dinner with a friend. The whole time I couldn't stop worrying about her. My biggest fear is that she's going to be crying and hysterical and I'm not going to be able to do anything.

I hold very strongly to the philosophies of attachment parenting. I think that children tell you what they need and that it is unethical to cause them undue stress by denying it. We had decided that River would always have a parent home with her, but thanks to the actions of my ex, that isn't possible anymore. It's hard when the situation changes and your philosophies don't.

I know that if I could find a legitimate work-from-home option, I would take it. If I could bring River to a job with me, I would jump at the opportunity. I'm so worried and scared and stressed about this. I just don't have a choice.


  1. I feel obligated to reply. Partly to tell you I'm reading, partly to say that this might be the worst time/place for advise but....

    I can't imagine what your going through. Divorce is something a lot of people experience (myself included) yet I it is always so personal, so that it is impossible to understand where someone is coming from. I hope in the end when time heals you can look back and see that it was for the best and the person you became is so much stronger because of it.

    River is lucky to have you as a mom. You will always have her best interests in mind. That being said, relaxing and knowing that leaving her from time to time will not damage her in any way.

    Attachment parenting is meant to bond a mother and baby not shackle them. River needs to experience life with other members of your family/friends life and you need that too. Even when she cries. Allow other people to comfort her. Now as a single parent you need to understand that you can't carry the burden alone. Allow for there to be time apart so that neither of you develop an unhealthy relationship.

    Sorry if its unwanted advise. It took me a long time to realize you can be an attachment style parent without being glued to your baby. There is a fine line between being crazed and healthy. I hope you can find it.

  2. Thank you so much for the comment, Ashley. I think that part of my attachment to River is that she's really what I have left from everything. I know it's unfair to put that burden on her, and I'm really glad she's so young that she doesn't know more than that she has a really attentive mother.

    I'm working really hard on being able to let her stay with other people..