Tuesday, April 05, 2011

When has it been "long enough"?

I'm in a weird spot right now. I have been separated from my daughter's father since early December. While he still makes me incredibly angry, I am starting to finally actually look around and see that there are other people out there who might... you know... be worth my time.

I'm torn... I really want to be back in the world, meeting people and going on dates, but I'm not sure how much I'm ready for.

Most of the anger at my ex is over his continued lying and the fact that he consistently chooses his own comfort and desires over even seeing his daughter. Yeah, it's been almost 3 weeks since he's last seen her, and he's disappeared for two other weeks before this. One of those weeks he told me that he was on a trip to 'contemplate his mistakes'... just more lies.

Still, I worry that his ability to effect me emotionally means that I'm not ready to consider anyone else in my life.

It's also hard because River is so constantly attached to me. It's not like I can leave her with her grandparents and expect her to even be able to nap, she needs to breastfeed to sleep. While I would expect anyone I dated to be ok with River, I couldn't ask someone to always have her around.. the relationship needs to be about the two adults first, I'm not looking for a father for her or something.

In happier news: River has an uncle. A friend of mine who is surprisingly amazing with her decided that he's her uncle. I'm cool with that :-)

Friday, April 01, 2011

Book Review: Twelve by Twelve (cont.)

Recently I posted about the book Twelve by Twelve*; a one-room cabin off the grid & beyond the American dream, by William Powers. When I had first posted, I was about 90 pages into the 260 page book, but I was loving it so much and the book was so relevant to my dreams of having a tiny self-sufficient home.

One of the concepts that stood out to me most was the idea that we vote with our money. Specifically, it's the concept that the decision to spend money in certain ways has much larger impacts than just the exchange of money for goods. A good example of this is spending money on something hand made from conscientiously farmed Alpaca wool and paying a fair price versus buying something that was sewn in a sweat shop where the laborers do not get a fair wage and the product is made with possibly toxic ingredients.

I've read about this concept in a couple other places, but this book talked about how the author really worked to change his spending habits and his own battle with the increase in price for goods that are less damaging to the environment and the places they originate from. It was very nice to hear more than just the theory, but to see actual examples of how it was put into action. On the other hand, I think he was very lucky to have free-range farmers living just across the street.

Anyways, to wrap everything up, since this is supposed to be a book review instead of a book report, I really liked the book. The author's voice was engaging and fun to read, and while there may not have been an identifiable conflict-resolution story line, the book did keep me interested and thinking.

*Though I link to the book on Amazon.com, I highly encourage purchasing the book from an independent retailer or borrowing it from your local library.

also, I'm thinking about starting a parallel blog for reviews, that way I can share it with family and friends and still keep this blog a little more anonymous.  Any thoughts?