My Blog and 'Mommy-Brain'

I started this blog with the intention of posting long, well-researched articles on various aspects of parenting and feminism... doesn't seem to have worked out that way. At best, this is a personal blog where I briefly touch on pertinent political and social subjects, usually only when they personally apply to my life experience. Honestly, I'm disappointed in myself.

In reality, I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I have mommy-brain, and a baby that, while she's not particularly fussy, she's demands a lot of attention. I can't even seem to read books of the same caliber that I did before I was pregnant.

Does anyone else have experience with this sort of mommy-brain?

3 months already

River is 3 months old TODAY!

She's a leg-kicking, smiling, flappy-armed ball of baby. Well, not so much a ball as much as a long sticky baby. We even finally feel like we're getting a glimpse of her personality. She's awake more often, and is really great at following things with her eyes and head. She's got excellent head control and is finally letting me put her down for a little bit at a time.

In the past month River has been introduced to her parents' second home: the Bristol Renaissance Faire! It's been eventful, getting to meet so many different people. We got more roommates so there are always people around. Our cat, Mochi has even taken a liking to River, though they're still a little standoffish. Sometimes I even catch them snuggling together.

I wish I had some pictures to post, but things are still pretty busy here and we can't seem to find our cords to get pics off of the camera.

Sometimes, It Does Happen

In stark contrast to the facebook conversation that I blogged about before, over the weekend I was actually thanked/congratulated for breastfeeding in public.

I'm a big Bristol Renaissance Faire patron. I've worked there in the past, but took time off since my due date was so close to performance rehearsals and faire opening. (honestly, I probably could have worked in a shop with River, but I had no idea how easy of a baby she would be!) I know a bunch of people there, and there are not many other places that I feel so at home.

Anyways, I've only made it to faire a handful of times this year because of issues with rides, laziness, money, or whatever else. The times that I have gone, I've been met mostly with positivity from people I know when they see me breastfeeding. The people I don't know are not always so positive.

This past weekend, on sunday, J and I made the trip up there with some kids from his work. It was mostly work, he was showing them the costuming and performing that people at faire do and looking to network with some shops to buy product from them. It was in one shop, after feeling particularly icked by an old man with eye-contact issues, that the shop artist complimented me for breastfeeding in public.

She is an awesome mother and artist who creates all the product for Grichels (Check out their Etsy page!). I've always been a big fan of the art she creates out of leather (I know, I'm a hypocritical vegetarian). I had also never had a complete stranger react so positively to my breastfeeding in public (I've had either ambiguous reactions or negative ones to varying degrees). It was great for someone to tell me that they breastfed their children, how hard it is to breastfeed in public, and how necessary it is to see it so that people know it's normal.


In other news; it looks like I'll be taking a quick trip to West Virginia soon.. It seems that they do not have any laws protecting breastfeeding on their books.. Does anyone know if West Virginia in general is hostile to breastfeeding or just ambivalent? I'd really rather not be arrested for public indecency, have to deal with any legal drama, or anything else while I'm there..

Breastfeeding Manifesto

I refuse to feed my baby food that is not the best I can give her.

I refuse to sacrifice a good latch and my baby's comfort by putting a blanket over her head (it's hard enough without one!).

I refuse to succumb to society's artificial oversexualization of breasts.

I refuse to become a hermit to make other people comfortable.

I refuse to make my child wait to eat, therefor upsetting her more and making it harder to feed her when I am able.

I refuse to spend hours in public restrooms being ashamed of how I feed my child (would you want to eat in there?).

I refuse to supplement because I know that I can make enough to feed my baby no matter what some ridiculous growth chart says (the doctor was using the old growth charts that include formula-fed babies instead of the WHO breastfeeding charts).

I refuse to listen to uneducated beliefs about breastfeeding, breastmilk, formula, and other baby-raising decisions.

I refuse to be scared away from doing the things I love and seeing the people I love because someone might get uncomfortable.

I refuse to think that people who love me are going to change their opinion because of my parenting decisions.

Here are some great breastfeeding related links:
Authentic Parenting: Breastfeeding Curtesy
Authentic Parenting: Lamest Reasons Not To Breastfeed
Authentic Parenting: Ignorance is Bliss - Silence is Golden!
How To Hide A Tank: Breast is Best, Revisited

Facebook Frustration

I'm frustrated. I'm so frustrated, I'm finding it hard to think. I tried giving this a couple days before talking about it, but it doesn't seem to be helping.

I'm a pretty opinionated person. That said, I take pride in researching and formulating coherent, rational arguments. Unfortunately, I also expect other people to do the same, and get quite frustrated when they fail to do so.

Recently an acquaintance has begun telling me about how she thinks public breastfeeding is 'disgusting'. I believe quite the opposite and will readily breastfeed in public whenever my baby is hungry without a second thought. She told me that she bottle feeds when in public and that people who insist on breastfeeding should put a blanket over them.

Now, I know how I can get when people say things that are both against medical studies (using formula depletes breast milk supply) and are formulated on personal opinions but are not presented that way (like saying that something is disgusting instead of saying that they think it's disgusting). In an effort to curb my quickly growing fury, I put a stop to the conversation. Still, I find that I'm incredibly upset by this.

I deal well with random people's disdain for public breastfeeding. I even deal well with the discomfort some family members have with it. But for some reason, this acquaintance really threw me off. Usually I'm outspoken in support and quick to write off someone who persists in disagreement.

My breastfeeding manifesto-of-sorts is coming up soon.

More on my hunt for a doctor..

Since the post I made about being unhappy with our family practitioner for River, I've been on the hunt. After some research online and some unreturned phone calls, I made an appointment to meet with a family practitioner in the area we just moved to.

She was a pretty cool 30-something year old osteopathic family practitioner. Unfortunately, although she seemed more open than most doctors, I still am not entirely happy. My unhappiness probably has more to do with my distrust of the medical profession in general and my beliefs against overmedicalization.

I had been so happy with the midwifery model of care that I think it's going to be hard to ever go back to the medical model when dealing with a healthy baby.

Happy World Breastfeeding Week!!! Wahoo!

I was thinking about having a breastfeeding party, but not only am I the only person I know who lives near me and is breastfeeding, but I'm also already having a little dinner party thing on Friday for my return to vegitarianism ^.^

That's right! After two years of being a vegetarian, I started eating meat during my pregnancy because of some dizziness and iron issues. To be more precise, my Neurocardiogenic Syncope was acting up. Since giving birth I have been weaning myself off of meat, which wasn't really working. I'd made excuses and have more meat products that I wanted and was comfortable with. Finally, it became apparent that I needed to go cold turkey (sorry about that one).

It's going to be especially hard to be a vegetarian now though... Where it used to be just J and me, meaning that there was never much meat in the house because I did the shopping, now I'm living with roommates, two of which are very heavy meat eaters. One of them has offered to scale back their meat eating and buying habits on my behalf, but as much as I'd like to see less meat eating, I am very much in favor of people making their own choices in life. They don't have to be vegetarian, but I'm not exactly going to be cooking meat for them.

J has also offered to go vegetarian with me, and if you listened to what he says, it sounds like he will be.. but I'm not sure about that either. Just like the other roommate who offered to buy and eat less meat, I'm not sure that he's doing it for his own reasons. We'll see how that goes.

In other news, I also just sent my mom an article that I found online that describes some of my parenting decisions really well. I would post a link here, but I've only found it posted as a note on facebook. It describes some of the evolutionary reasons that babies prefer certain things. It also argues that things like vaginal birth, breastfeeding, and attachment parenting shouldn't be considered 'best', but what's 'normal'. In my mind, saying that something is 'best', even if it is, argues that there are other options that are also good. Saying that something is normal or natural takes away the idea that there are other options that can be chosen when there isn't need for them.

(If you're family, please don't pass this on. I've talked to my mom about this, and I understand why she does the things that she does. This is not meant as an attack or a critique, just airing out my thoughts on the issue) My mother has not exactly been unsupportive, but she doesn't understand my decisions and will make comments about how River always seems to be eating and that I should let other people hold her or put her down more often. She also tends to hold River through her 'asking' for food, until she's forced to cry to get it. I know that my mother means well, I just wish that she would understand the reasons that I made the decisions I made.

Anyone else have experience with well-meaning relatives?

unsolicited advice

I've heard unsolicited advice and comments throughout my pregnancy, and I really wish I had kept better records of all the silly comments. So, in light of that, I'm going to be keeping track here of the stupid comments I get from people when I have River.

(I'm not going to write about every pervy look I get while I'm breast feeding in public, that would take too long, but suffice it to say, there are MANY!)

The other day I was in Jewel with a couple friends. We decided to take a walk to the grocery store to pick up a couple ingredients that I needed to make dinner. We were outside in the heat (about 90 degrees) for a good 15 minutes there and 15 minutes back, and must have spent about 5 minutes in the store total. River was just in a diaper and in my sling. At one point during the walk, she started getting fussy in the sling, so I took her out to avoid her overheating. We were in Jewel, standing in the produce department, I was breastfeeding River. An old lady with some indistinguishable accent walked up to us and started lecturing me. She told me that my baby was cold, was going to get pneumonia, etc... at one point, after realizing exactly what was going on (this was my first public lecture) I turned to her, called her a rude old lady, and kept shopping. She said that she had never seen anybody do that with a baby, and walked away. I saw her a couple other times while we were still in the store, she would shoot me these evil glares and then keep walking. Unfortunately the two friends I was with didn't know what was going on until to told them later, otherwise I think they would have stood up for me.

Another day I was sitting in my car reading while River sat on my lap. J and his friend were in a magic store getting some more tricks for him to use at work. I had gotten tired of standing and really wanted to get a little further in my book, and with the nice breeze outside, I didn't mind sitting and waiting. After a little while a car parked in the space next to me, and out came an older lady, a younger lady, and two kids. The older lady, after noticing me in the car, proceeded to beckon over one of the little girls and told her to look at my 'baby boy'. I don't mind gender mix-ups as River is usually dressed pretty gender neutral. Eventually while they asked questions and I answered with a fake smile plastered on my face like a good little mommy, I slipped in that River is a girl. The old lady then asked why she was wearing shorts and "where is her little dressie?" I was amazed, and she was serious. I snapped back (at this point I was annoyed that she was sticking her head in my car and interrupting my reading) that the women's liberation movement happened a while back and that I was a big fan. She stormed away in a huff and actually scolded me, saying "well, I Never!"

The most recent occurance happened yesterday and to my friend Tom instead of me. Tom, his girlfriend, and I were in a Teavana picking out some tea and other products. Tom was at the counter at one point when a middle-aged man walked up to him and started talking to him about 'his wife and child'. Tom politely corrected him, that I was not his wife. After some insisting that I was, and then finally realizing that I wasn't, he gave him a really confused look and said 'then you'd better get a lawyer!" Yup. Because how dare a married woman with a baby be friends with a guy!

Anyone else have experience with unsolicited advice or comments? I know I had a ton when I was pregnant (usually about how high or low I was carrying and how it must be a boy or a girl). Lately it seems like i'm getting more judgemental looks than comments, but I still get a few really golden ones -sarcasm-

an update and more excuses

River is growing more every day, she's two months old now.

Between her and the move (and roommates), I don't have much time for updating the blog. I was hoping that I would be able to continue researching and writing well thought-out articles, but that doesn't seem to be possible. I'm a two-handed typer, and typing with one hand frustrates me so much that I give up before I get a full sentence written.  I haven't been taking many pictures lately either. I know I should be taking them for myself so that I can always remember River as she is now, but I find that I'd much rather just sit with her, drinking her in, instead of looking at her through a viewfinder or on a digital camera screen.

Another issue is that it's summer... which means that I've gotten a little flighty... to say the least. I've been trying to make it to Bristol faire more often, bought a lot of tea products for some delicious iced tea (had my first glass today, it was amazing!), cleaning and unpacking whenever I can, and just being a mommy. Two of my friends also just got jobs at J's place of employment, plus he has a tentative raise and promotion in the works (they've told him that he's the best employee that they have and that they want to give him more responsibility).

Update goodness

Again, I haven't posted much here recently.. things have been busy.

We're still in the process of moving to our friend's house. Most of the stuff left at the old apartment is junk that needs to be thrown out, and most of the stuff that's necessary has already been moved. It makes it really hard to motivate ourselves to go to the old place and clean it out. Still, it needs to get done before the end of the month.

My birthday was on the 20th. I turned 23, so I'm almost a quarter of a century, but still considered a relatively young parent. I decided to postpone my birthday a day since J was working a double on my actual birthday. On the 21st we took a trip to Brookfield Zoo with two of our close friends, and later J and I went to Big Bowl with River along for a date night. The whole day went really well and we went to bed that night exhausted and satisfied.

I've also been finding it extremely difficult to type one-handed, maybe not difficult persay, but definitely time-consuming. That said, River just got bored of a friend's attempts to sooth her and needs a boob. Adios.